PurpleHello98

What Have I Been Doing?

2026-05-19T02:29:24Z

No, really, what have I been doing? I feel like I've been very busy but also doing nothing at all so far this summer.

-I've scheduled another ADHD screener (the first psychiatrist I saw turned out to be crap at her job so my mother insisted I get a second opinion)
-I've scheduled my wisdom teeth removal
-I've spent a lot of time with Grey (including staying over for the first time! Woah!!
-I've spent some time with Blue and Green, although our schedules have trouble lining up and Blue's leaving town for an internship soon
-I hyperfocused for a few hours and did some work on the family history I've tried like five times to start writing over the past few years
-I went to the mall with Red and met her new boyfriend! They are the most ADORABLE couple!

And yet I still feel like I haven't really gotten out of the house. I start back at work tomorrow, so at least I'll be getting out, but I totally want to go out and actually do things.

Maybe I need to get more sleep. I'm really tired right now and maybe that's impacting my perspective.

I'm turning twenty soon. That's odd. I'm not going to be a teenager anymore. I'm entering adulthood. And yet I feel like I only started truly living once I came out and went off to college.

This summer is going by too quickly. Although the twelve days I've been back do feel like a long time already. Maybe they've been too jam-packed. Maybe I need more lazy days where I have nothing to do all day. Those are some of the best summer days.

Trying to coordinate with my boyfriend's and friends' work schedules is literally the worst thing ever. It feels like people are always at work or too tired or something like that. But I guess starting tomorrow I'll be in that boat.

Anyways, I hope I get to get out more and make the most of my summer. Speaking of, I need to go get my mum to measure me so I can buy a swimsuit!

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The Perfect Bookends

2026-05-14T16:17:47Z

Well, I guess it's time to blog about the end of my semester abroad! The end of an era, as Blue called it on his blog.

The rest of my Scotland trip went well! One day I spent shopping whilst Blue was sick, and I went to all the stores I could've gone to in London, or gone to basically the same ones back in Missouri, but it was fun anyhow. I bought some CDs from All Time Low, Paramore and MCR at HMV, channelling my inner scene girl. (I've wondered whether I should try the sideswept bangs, although I agree with Green that my current blunt-ish bangs really suit me. I used to have a subdued version of them, inspired by Dan and Phil, back pre-transition when I had short hair, but when I grew my hair out to be longer that got weighed down and exposed my five-head, and getting bangs was potentially the best fashion choice i've ever made.)

We also spent a day in St. Andrew's and went to the beach, to a museum of St. Andrew's University, and finally to St. Andrew's Castle! It was a nice little ruins, but mostly Blue and I went and lay down in the grass. It was a beautiful day, just the right temperature with a cool breeze, plenty of sun to bask in, a blue sky to gaze up at and nice, soft, green grass to lay in. It was so peaceful and amazing. Until a bird SHAT ON OUR HEADS. That was a rude awakening.

Other Scottish highlights: I tried haggis! Deep-fried, but it was pretty good. Though it basically tasted like a big toasted ravioli. We went to the National Museum of Scotland, which was really cool! And we found a sheep store nearby, where I bought a little magnet of a sheep with a newsboy cap. Also, one night, Blue and I were both tired from a cold we fell ill with on the trip and so we DoorDashed food, and I found what I thought was a reasonably-priced pub burger (everything in Edinburgh is ridiculously priced) but when it got there it turned out to be a "gourmet" burger from Burger King, which was basically just their normal crap burger with very little meat and sauce, and no flavour in what there was, but with some fancy aged cheese and a box about three times the height of the burger that unfolded very dramatically. Anyways, it was a total ripoff and not even a good burger.

When Blue and I got back to London my mum arrived and stayed with me for a few days! Blue left the next day but the one day we spent together we had Korean food in the village, went into Central to see "Oh, Mary!" starring Catherine Tate (quite good) and had some bad bao in Chinatown. Though honestly at this point I was tired and very emotionally overwhelmed. I had a bit of a breakdown and I needed some time to relax the next day.

My mum and I spent a day in Brighton! We went and lay on the beach and dipped our toes in the Channel. it was really nice! Though the Brighton Pier was overrated. It could have been fun as a date, though, or if it weren't only kids on the rides so I didn't feel like I couldn't go on them. I want an adult trampoline in my future house one day. Trampolining is fun, good exercise and therapeutic to me! There was an incidnet where a scary man who was off his rocker or something was trying to fight with the owner of a fish and chips shop by the sea we were eating at, but other than that it was nice! There was also a chip shop called "Belgian Chips" that was the same concept as a place called Brussels Fries I went to in Korea—something I'd never seen anywhere else!

My last day in London was amazing—the perfect bookend. My mum and I went through Waterloo station one last time--the first big station I went to in England and still my favourite. We went to Fleet Street to my favourite charity shop and the owner called me their best customer! He gave me some extra jewelry and candy on the house and gave me the best gift bag, and said that whenever I went into the shop people followed! It was really flattering. Then we went to Big Ben and I tried a new K-pop shop my friend recommended to me. Next we went to Putney (through Putney Bridge station, my other most frequented station) and bought some stuff for the voyage home i.e. a new suitcase. And then I went on one last adventure! I had this goal to go on all the TfL (Transport for London) modes of transport while I was there: I went on all the Tube lines, the DLR, the Elizabeth Line, the Overground (only two of six lines because the Overground is boring) and the Cable Car, and so my last one was the Trams! I got a tram from Wimbledon and ended up at a dying mall in Croydon, with another dying mall across the street.

I couldn't find how to get a tram back since I guess they only go the one way at the station there but then I got on a bus and found one that took me as far as Kingston--another place I visited a lot that I was glad to go to one last time! And then I went back to the uni and packed up all my stuff and left. I'm glad that my last day had one last adventure and took me to so many of my favourite/most frequented places.

We got to the airport hotel, I had an overpriced burger that was trying too hard to be fancy (and was lucky I was starving and inhaled it since otherwise I wouldn't have liked it) and then went to bed. I got to take the Elizabeth Line one last time (my favourite, since it shares my name and my signature colour of purple) to transfer between terminals and then almost missed my flight because I took too long to get to the terminal since I was blogging here! I was the last person to get on the flight—the second to last to get to the gate but I had to consolidate my purse, backpack and carryon into two bags, which was hard since everything was jammed full. But I had a nice flight home and arrived safely. But that's a blog post for another time!

These four months were one for the book. An amazing though difficult experience. I'm really glad to be back but I also will always love and miss London. Forever a Londoner at heart!

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I can't believe it's over

2026-05-06T05:57:40Z

Well, I'm sitting right now in Terminal 2 of Heathrow Airport (The Queen's Terminal, according to the big sign—and I also took the Elizabeth line this morning! So much is named after her) and in a bit over an hour when I take off, my study abroad experience will officially be over.

I'll try and do another post tomorrow (?) on my experiences the past couple weeks as I've been slacking on the blogging, though to be fair that's because I've been a combination of burnt out, busy having my last adventures and utterly exhausted. I'm so not setting an alarm tonight,

These four months have been both four of the hardest and four of the best of my life. I love London. I love the possibilities, the adventures, the fact that there's always something to do, the whole world congregated in one city. The thousand-year-old architecture in the same skyline as the twenty-first-century skyscrapers. I feel like London is the city. The old, the new, the planned, the spontaneous, all in one glorious city. It has this wealth, this richness, like nowhere else I've ever been. I've met lovely people and made what I hope will be lifelong friends here, and certainly made lifelong memories and favourite spots. I experienced the beauty that is good public transport infrastructure (I'm sorry, Brits, no matter how much you complain—try living in the Midwest before you tut about train delays).

Maybe a lot of this is similar to other cities, but I think London is its own city. It has this vibe like no other city I've been to in my (admittedly limited) travelling.

But then, it's also been really hard. I wasn't prepared for the workload, the you're-on-your-own sort of apathy academically that meant that I ended up floundering somewhat. I know Blue can back me up on this; the UK academic system is so independent and much more intensive compared to the US, and no matter how much I may complain about the US system, I feel like it's much more atuned to me than the British system, especially since I have ADHD. The lack of structure made things a ton harder for me and academically I was in hell the whole semester. AGH!!! I cried a lot and scrambled to get things done. (Which reminds me, I need to edit the video of my last project on the plane!!) I was burnt out and in genuine anguish like I've never been.

I also learned to love my home. I rag on Missouri a lot, and it's got its fair share of problems, which I'm sure I'll be complaining about in due time, but it also has a fun mall and I can drive places and crank music and it has my college, which I love, and most importantly the people I love. My boyfriend Grey, my parents, all my friends. I missed them all this semester and that also made me sad. I also miss iced tea at McDonald's (NO place has unsweet iced tea like McD's) and Panchero's burritos and especially American Chinese food! I miss orange chicken and lo mein and beef and broccoli and everything. Chopstix just doesn't hit like Panda! (Blogger's note: I realize I'm mentioning a lot of brands but I promise I'm not sponsored or anything!!! LOL I just miss the stuff we have in America.)

I don't know what else to say other than I love London so incredibly much, and I love Missouri so incredibly much. I'm glad to be going home, but sad to be leaving this glorious city, and I WILL be back! (this is a promise and a threat)

I've been so glad to call myself a Londoner for these four months, something I always dreamed of doing.

I love you, London! Until next time, toodles :)

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Good Morning From Scotland!

2026-04-26T10:32:16Z

Guess who's in Edinburgh right now? Blue and I took the train up yesterday morning after a scare in which I realized I had sent my booking confirmation to the wrong e-mail address and I would have to buy another ticket. 60 quid down the drain... but we made it! And the train journey was very scenic indeed. We saw the sea, and beautiful cliffs, and old cathedrals, and it was spectacular!

This is probably just what I needed to cure my insane burn-out. My Ancient History portfolio (two short essays) was due on Friday (today is Sunday) and i was driven insane working on it all week when i already had very little motivation. And then, of course, early in the week I got my period, and later in the week I came down with a cold. Woo hoo!

Blue's term ended a week before mine, so he's been staying with me in my flat in London. It's been pretty fun, although insanely cramped--he's had to sleep on a cot on the floor which is so cramped we basically have to climb over each other to get out of bed, because these rooms are only meant for one person. Also, my aforementioned period-and-cold combo (though the period is now over with) meant I wasn't the most fun sightseeing companion---though we still did manage to get some fun stuff in this week. We went to a severely overpriced Italian place with a snooty waiter near Farringdon---though the food was really good, just not worth $60 or $70 when converted to USD.

In other highlights, Friday we went to the London Transport Museum! It was pretty cool, though also somehow a little bit underwhelming---I thought there would be more exhibits or something. My and Blue's favourite part was the gift shop! The different lines of the Tube and bus lines and everything all have their own moquettes, or designs for their seat covers. I got a little pouch in the Elizabeth line moquette, since my name is Elizabeth and my favourite/signature colour is purple! I also got a little Elizabeth Line keychain.

Tuesday we went to Kensington Palace! It was really cool. I can't remember anything else we did but I'm sure Blue will likely include his highlights in his blog.

And now my classes in London are officially over. I'm a bit sad to be leaving this city that I've grown to love and look upon as a second home, but I'll be very glad to be once more among my friends and with my lovely boyfriend. I've missed him probably more than even I know this whole time, and I can't wait to be able to spend more time with him and everything! Getting tired of someone you love is a luxury, so to those who have it, cherish it and cherish your loved one. Not that I think I'll get tired of him---at least not easily!

I do have one more project left, for my accursed Global London Lit class. I don't even know why I dread that class so much. I have to do a group vlog, and I've been assigned to talk about East London. I thought it would be easy---we took a field trip to the Docklands last week---but now the professor wants sources and is saying "it can't just look like you did a simple Google search for research". Well, I don't have the flipping time or energy for anything else!! So I'll scrounge up some JSTOR articles and half-ass it. I already got an upper second on the other half of my grade for this class so I'll just do my best with what few f-cks I can scrounge up to give.

Gosh, I've missed blogging whilst being burnt out! I wish more of my friends kept blogs I could read. I like knowing that my friends read my blog---at least I have a couple people reading the stuff I send out into cyberspace.

Anyways, I promise to return more quickly next time with another post! Detailing all of my and Blue's Scottish Shenanigans. Toodles!

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The Mormons Burn Out Wearing Prada

2026-04-15T21:14:10Z

I realized the other night, as I was messaging Grey and Blue, that I have less than a month left (actually, three weeks today) until I'm back home. It hasn't even been three months since I came here, but it's still scary. It's starting to hit me as I tick items off my bucket list. I've made it my goal to try every line of the Tube and every other method of TFL (Transport for London) transport before I leave (except the bikes, as embarrassingly I never learned to ride a bike without training wheels, growing up in a hilly neighbourhood where basically any road I tried to cycle on would have resulted in certain concussion). I've done all the Tube lines except maybe the Hammersmith and City, and I take buses regularly. I took the DLR last night and even got to sit in the front of the train and watch the tracks ahead of me---a very cool experience! I took one Overground train and it was so mind-numbingly uncool I don't intend to take another. The Elizabeth Line, by contrast, was very cool--besides sharing my name and my favourite colour, it's super cushy. Now all that's left is Thameslink, the Cable Car and the Trams. But I wonder---was that my last time on that train route? Was that the last time in that station?

It feels like the possibilities are slipping away---London isn't my oyster anymore, but a frantic rush to tick off the last things I want to do before I leave. I'll be back, I know I will, but I won't be living here. I'm at peace with that in one way---I've grown to love and appreciate my hometown and my friends there, and I couldn't go any longer being so far away from Grey. But at the same time, I've loved it here. For all the grief the British university model has given me and all the quibbles I've had with London, I love it here. It's an odd bittersweet feeling. It isn't home, but everything was beginning to feel oddly familiar, becoming a bit like a second home. I really will miss it here.

Last week I went to Oxford for potentially my last time to visit Blue. It was a total blast, except for the part where I got my skates too narrow at the ice rink and it made my foot sore for a couple days afterward. But we went to the Turf Tavern, a hundreds-of-years-old pub, and the Covered Market, and C.S. Lewis's house, and it was just generally a blast!

I'm burning out so much recently. I haven't blogged in three weeks, I've barely been able to hang out with anyone because everyone's been away for Easter break and/or busy, and I miss home. I miss my friends. I miss familiarity. I miss being able to actually be in the same room as Grey and do more things---video calls just aren't the same and there's only so much you can do over the Internet---YouTube or TV are our main options, though he did introduce me to a card game called Dominion recently. I have too much damn work to do and zero motivation and I'm sick of it. i don't know how to fix this, and my therapist won't reply to my damn texts. I like her, but I think I need to start seeing someone new.

I can't motivate myself to read anything besides contemporary romance novels anymore, and while I love those I'd like some sort of motivation to read something else. And I keep watching YouTube and going on Instagram and everything because that's all I have the mental energy to do anymore. And I don't really have a support system to help me through. Grey's 4000+ miles away, Blue's a good couple hours away by train and even my therapist is totally unreliable. Thank God I only have three weeks left, and half of that is for doing fun travel-y things with Blue and with my mum, who's going to come visit right before I leave. Any work more than the bare minimum is going to send me over the edge. I don't even have the mental energy to put my receipts into a spreadsheet half the time, so i don't know how much I'm spending, and I keep wanting to buy more clothes because Vinted is an evil addictive app with really really cute clothes on it and sellers who won't just accept my unrealistic lowball offer. AGH!!

Anyways, the other night, I went to see The Devil Wears Prada: the musical! It was pretty good. I loved the set for the apartment, with the brick walls, first of all. The music was really good, especially the opening number "I Mean Business" and "Bon Voyage" and its reprise, which are absolutely golden. I loved the "hot nurse" arc for Emily that I don't think was in the original.

I need to figure out A) what other West End shows I'm going to see while here and B) how the hell I'm going to get the motivation to do my damn Ancient History portfolio that I haven't started on yet which is due a week from Friday. Fuck my life.

Sorry for the bummer tone this time, but I'm just in a really bad headspace right now, which I pray will get better over the summer when I have my favourite people nearby, and hopefully find a competent therapist who can meet regularly, because I think I'm at the end of my rope with this one. In the meantime, God help me.

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A Vacuum...

2026-03-27T23:49:51Z

Both in that I have nothing going on, and that I need to vacuum.

The vacuum in my flat broke. It's one of these goofy things:

But the black tube broke, so you have to hold it up to the hole where it should be in order for it to work. Which means that when I vacuumed on Monday, it didn't do much. Plus, I have to figure out how to mop the floor of my bathroom because that needs done as well. And I have a massive amount of laundry to fold this afternoon---which is all I'm doing, which leads me to my other point.

All my plans have basically been cancelled. It's about to be Easter break, and pretty much all the non-international students are going off-campus, which leaves me with two friends to hang out with, besides Blue. I don't have plans to hang out with him till Thursday next week because he's busy, so besides homework I have nothing to do for almost a week. Maybe I'll go shopping? Go see some plays? I am, after all, in London, where the friggin' West End is located.

Update: I ended up reserving tickets for The Play That Goes Wrong, a play that Grey's sister-in-law recommended to me, and The Book of Mormon! Besides that, I spent the afternoon watching YouTube and all, since I didn't feel the best today. :( But I'm better now! In time to go accompany my friend to the airport tomorrow and then go shopping. I'm excited!

Also, I did my nails the other day and they're really nice. :) Maybe I'll add a photo to my next post! But now I'm off to get ready for bed. It's late! So I'll talk to you all soon. (-o-)Zzzzz

P.S. Everyone go check out "Free Falling", the solo debut from Kangmin from Verivery! I'll talk more about it another time, but for now, just know it's super epic!! :D :D :D

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OCD, Theft of Joy

2026-03-24T22:58:40Z

Heads up in case you don't wanna read about this stuff, but this post is gonna talk about matters of religion (specifically Christianity) as well as OCD and other mental health struggles! To read on, clickity click the cut!

( Read more... )

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Omigod You Guys, I Saw Legally Blonde: The Musical!

2026-03-18T17:14:01Z

(If you don't know, the title is referencing the opening number of the show.)

Well, it's almost been a week since I saw it, but I've been too busy to update the blog till now. But last week, I saw the official UK tour of Legally Blonde: The Musical in Milton Keynes! It was absolutely AMAZING. As expected, from Legally Blonde: The Musical. I wrote Grey, Blue and Green a dissertation about it, which I won't repeat here, but here's the gist:

My show was actually the one Amber Davies, the star, left in the middle because she had been ill for a month and her body couldn't take it anymore, which led to her leaving the tour temporarily. The part she was in was definitely not what it could have been, and now that makes sense. I feel really bad for her and I hope she gets better soon!
Her replacement, Hannah Lowthers, actually plays the role of Margot (one of the Delta Nu girls) normally, so they had to spend a good 20 minutes getting the costumes and wigs switched over. Hannah did absolutely amazing! She was a stupendous Elle, especially for being switch in twenty minutes into the show.
The rest of the cast were also amazing. I loved Paulette's actress, especially!
The set design was amazing. Everything was so wonderful and colourful when it needed to be, and more boring and traditional when it needed to be. I especially loved how they used the window in Elle's room for her yelling to Warner, for the Delta Nu girls, etc.
The dances were a bit more Tik Tok-inspired. I'm not the biggest fan of it but I think it's a cool way to modernize it. Of course, my ass, living in 2006 instead of 2026 (currently blogging on my Windows XP laptop and listening to my iPod) feels differently.
I will say that some of the American accents were a bit over-done/phony-sounding. Paulette's Southern accent was just a bit too Southern--a bit too Blanche from the Golden Girls, and sometimes incomprehensible. Emmett's accent was kind of indiscernible--I couldn't tell what exactly it was supposed to be. I also felt like Emmett's actor was kind of over-singing some of the time, like he was trying to add in all of these vocal runs, especially in "Chip On My Shoulder", that I felt distracted from the actual material rather than adding to them.

Overall, it was totally AMAZING!! I spent £70 at the merch table and came away with this haul:

A souvenir brochure/program
A (really great) tote bag
A diary
A pin set
and a fridge magnet!

And this was after I restrained myself away from the t-shirt and hoodie.
Some other pictures:

This is the backdrop they had before Act 1 started--when the show started the sign came up and the show ensued.

This is the pre-Act 2 backdrop: the logo disappeared from the middle afterward and showed Brooke Wyndham leading her workout DVD! She's supposed to be a YouTuber here, so this is a bit of an odd choice, but I still love it. Maybe she just has an '80s aesthetic!

Overall, this was a really great experience. They also had a poster/photo backdrop out front I took a photo with! Though I prefer to stay anonymous on here so I shan't share it. I love this musical so much, so it was so amazing to see such a large-scale and amazing production in person. Now, I feel so much better than befoooooooooooore!

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Never a Dramaless Day -.-

2026-03-09T12:14:18Z

It's never a dramaless day here in London. Not necessarily in the sense of gossip-drama, but something's always freaking happening. Take yesterday, for example. My big project of the day was going to the grocery store with a couple of friends. Simple, right? But of course it wasn't for whatever reason ASDA was particularly overstimulating yesterday, and I just was not in a headspace to handle it. I was driving the cart because I love driving shopping carts (or trolleys, as I believe they call them here---which brings to mind Judy Garland singing "clang clang clang went the trolley" about a shopping cart with a bum wheel) but then I was trying to do that, and get what I needed, and stay in my budget (which was arbitrary---I didn't actually set myself a budget before going), and keep track of my two friends, and then on top of it all I wanted to make tacos this week.

You may ask: "What's so overwhelming about tacos?" Well, I wanted to add some pico de gaillo, or just any kind of salsa, to my tacos, with some cheese and avocado, to switch it up at least a little bit. (I come from a family where tacos are beef, salsa, cheese and that's it. You can feel your arteries clogging up as you eat.) The only salsa in the place, however, was spicy, and this poor white girl can't handle that. One of my friends is Mexican-American and was telling me how to make pico, and so I tried to find the ingredients, but I couldn't just get one onion---everything came in packs of multiple that I'm not going to use afterward. Unless I make stirfry that's mostly onions, which doesn't appeal to me for some reason. Ditto tomatoes, and I had no clue where cilantro and limes at all. And then I looked at a recipe and it just seemed so overwhelming. I don't know why (yes I do, it's my ADHD) but cooking stuff from scratch seems like this impossible, herculean task to me---hence why I always buy pre-cooked, pre-cut chicken and the kind of rice where you just pop it in the microwave.

So that led to me almost having a breakdown in the middle of ASDA. But who know, maybe I'll go to the neighbourhood grocery store and try and find the ingredients and make it tonight. The neighbourhood grocery store is much less overstimulating than ASDA. And I ended up staying within a reasonable budget! :D

In other news: I went to the mall with those same friends the other day, and also managed to not spend too much money! My big purchase of the day was a blue iPod nano for £32. It functions almost perfectly! Keyword: almost, because the headphone jack is screwed up and will only play in the right headphone unless you hold it just right. I think I'm going to send it in to this mail repair service I found on-line and see how it goes.

And then Friday, I tried to go to a free library in London to get some writing done, both for personal and school projects. (The British Library requires a bunch of ID to get into the reading room, apparently, and I was trying to avoid being deadnamed and also having to wrangle all that.) I got in after class Friday, and it smelled like BO and was overcrowded. So I gave up and went to the British Library. I arrived, used the bathroom and sat down when I heard an announcement that "the library is now closing and I should make my way to the front". Because of course it closes early on Fridays.

Then, Grey tried to call me for about 30 minutes and I couldn't talk because my cell service was so bad. I made my way back to where the other library was (Leicester Square) and had some tteokbokki for dinner. Which i couldn't even finish because it was too spicy. Thanks, white genes!

So that's my very eventful last few days. I was knocked out Monday through Thursday last week because of my cramps, so nothing at all happened those days. I suppose this is my makeup. Now off to go make lunch and watch a lecture for my class! And hope I'll finally get in bed early tonight. (I keep failing, but not at all for lack of trying.) WIsh me luck. But hey, at least i get to see Legally Blonde: The Musical this week!

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Sleepover In A Library In Wales!!!!

2026-03-04T23:20:07Z

OK, so, last weekend was INSANELY COOL!!! Forgive me if it sounds like this blog post is some sort of sponsorship or brand deal, and also is devoid of my typical "wit", because it isn't and sort of sponsored thing---I just found a new happy place.

Blue and I were both totally tired and we decided to have a weekend away. So, I pulled out of my back pocket the most EPIC place that I had found several months ago when doing research on what I wanted to do whilst in England! It's called Gladstone's Library and it's potentially my new favourite place on Earth. Basically, it's a library---started with the personal collection of Victorian-era prime minister Gladstone---that you can stay in over night! It has a restaurant and bedrooms, and it's a working library. Apparently some authors stay there for a month at a time to work on their projects and give masterclasses and talks, but sadly none of them were there at the time, at least to our knowledge. But I acquired a new goal: become one of those authors one day!

The library itself is really beautiful. Here's the Theology Room, which is also the area of the library with seating and desks for people to work on whatever.

And here's the outside of the library!

We arrived there on Saturday. We could have actually prolonged our stay by a day since Blue's tutor cancelled on him last minute Friday, btu of course we didn't know that when booking. It was about 6 hours of being on trains and waiting on trains to get to the little village (called Hawarden) in Wales that it's in from London, but at least I got to work on some creative writing on the train! But I was pretty tired by the time I got there.

We went up to our room---a cute little room with some twin beds, a view out onto the roof (full of scaffolding as they're doing construction) and a desk that inexplicably had no chair. And they also have a cute vintage radio in the room! I got the bed next to the window because I like waking up to the morning light, and then we went to tea!

They gave us an insane amount of pastries and sandwiches to the point we finished maybe half of what they gave us, and then we took a tour of the library before we went walking around the village! But we didn't see much, because we came upon this gate that led to "Hawarden Estate"---and if there's anything to draw in two Janeites, it's an estate! It turned out to basically be a bunch of fields open to the public to walk around---the kind of thing American parks wish they could be. Everything was so lush and green (because they actually get precipitation here) and we had an amazing walk. We went down into a valley and down an old path with little stone walls that must be hundreds of years old, and found a field of sheep! But the pièce de resistance of the Estate was when we went up a hill, and we found a Norman castle! There was a tower with moss between the bricks and a Welsh flag flying on top surrounded by what must have been hundreds of daffodils. It was beautiful, but we couldn't find a way to get up there, so we ended up going back to the hotel.

We watched the movie Crossroads with Britney Spears, which is surprisingly dark, first of all! Also, I'm surprised I never watched it back in my Britney Spears phase (about 2018-2022). The main character's love interest had bad vibes I couldn't quite pinpoint, and I think it's so gross that this movie, about freshly 18, freshly out of high school girls, has such a hyperfixation on the main character having sex for the first time, especially when the target audience was probably younger girls.

Then we went to dinner! For starters Blue had foccacia and beetroot hummus, and I had an UNBELIEVABLE mixed-pepper soup with really delicious bread. For our main course we got chicken chasseur, which is a French dish with chicken, green beans and mashed potatoes with some sort of sauce. It was pretty good!

I got to do some creative writing in the library after dinner, and since my laptop didn't connect to the library's Wi-Fi, I had a really great distraction-free place to focus on my writing! I'd love to go on a writing retreat there someday. After the library closed, we washed up and went to bed!

The next morning we got up and went to the complimentary continental breakfast. Somehow I took continental breakfast to mean English breakfast, so I was looking forward to fresh eggs, bacon, etc., and instead had to suffer through cold eggs, toast with marmalade (which I didn't realize I hated as I'd never had it) and wheat flakes. We then set off on a walk to the local Farm Shop on the Hawarden Estate. We checked it out and decided to come back for lunch, and in the meanwhile had another walk through the other side of the Estate! And eventually... came across the castle and were able to get all the way up! There were more ruins we hadn't seen, including a dungeon, and a more contemporary house below. It was amazing and the moment was really beautiful as we sat amidst the daffodils in front of a 700-year-old castle as a gentle spring breeze blew by.

We went back and had quite a nice lunch, but on our walk back to the library came down with stomach cramps that plagued us the rest of the day. I'm not actually sure if mine was a period or not. (For those reading who might be inclined to fight on that, yes, I know trans women don't have uteri and therefore can't menstruate, however we do have hormone cycles mirroring cis women's and therefore can get some PMS-like symptoms.) I'm not a doctor, and being relatively early in my transition, I have no clue what a period feels like. But maybe that's what it was? I do feel a bit moodier than general as well. I'm not sure. Agh!!

Anyways, I chilled in the library---napping/listening to my iPod as I was in a bit too much pain to do any writing, sadly---until we caught our trains back to our respective abodes. Overall, despite the cramps on the second day, it was a really amazing trip and we're both dying to go back there!!

And that's about it. Sidenote to any AFAB readers or other trans girls with period/PMS-like symptoms---how the hell are we supposed to deal with this? this immobilized me for the past three and a half days, and I dread having to work on this.

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Back (C)on Track!

2026-02-25T22:57:21Z

Well, it feels like I'm finally back on track here lately---if I ever have been since arriving here in the first place. I've organized everything nicely, vacuumed, started doing my homework more proactively, and finally started cooking actual meals again instead of spending too much on takeout this or microwave that. Which is also helping my wallet---which is suffering, poor dear.

I think it's partially because I'm both a resident and a tourist. I'm here too long to just be on vacation, but short enough that there's still an impending sense of everything being over soon and I feel like I have to constantly be doing some fun attraction every weekend. Speaking of, last weekend was so cool! Saturday I had two big firsts.

Firstly, I went to London Anime And Gaming Con, my first ever con! I went with some fellow American friends from my British uni, and it was super epic. My highlights include: getting FOUR Streetpasses at once, seeing a ton of cool and cute cosplays and getting some cute stuff from the Artists' Alley! My favourite finds are a cute phone charm made to look like a lavender Nintendo DS game cartridge and a big bag charm shaped like Girls' Generation's lightstick with chibi heads of the members inside!

After the convention (thanks again to my sainted friends for helping me do all the stuff I wanted to do in my limited time!) I got the tube and met up with Blue! I needed to grab a quick lunch, but the Hammersmith station's ramen vending machine (a real thing!!) wasn't working! :( So I got Chopstix instead, which is a Chinese chain probably comparable to Panda Express for my American readers. I had their "soymazing chicken" and lo mein, but didn't get to sit on the train so I had to eat it standing up. And then when I got to Covent Garden station, there were really long lines for the escalators. "I don't know why they won't just take the stairs," I think, as I pass them by and start up the stairs.

I was not thinking the same thing 200-300 steep spiral stairs later. And what makes it worse is that I was cutting it very close timewise. I got lost in Covent Garden Market and had a lot of trouble finding the bus, and made it to the theatre with about three minutes to spare before the show started. I met up with Blue and we found our seats!

The show was really good!! It starred Hugh Bonneville from Downton Abbey, which my parents watched all the time when I was growing up, and it was insanely surreal to see someone so famous in person! It was matched only by the coolness of when I saw Verivery in person. He's probably the most famous person I've ever seen in person! And everyone's acting was wonderful. The show, in case you don't know, is about C.S. Lewis and his relationship with his wife, and how they cope when she's diagnosed with an illness. It's spectacular, and I hardly have any criticism for the show. It was funny, happy, sad, and got me reflecting about life and death in a valuable way.

Then we wandered around the West End for a few hours before trying to find a place to eat. We settle on Din Tai Fung, kind of a fancy chain that does handmade dumplings and other Taiwanese food. It was really delicious! Although I didn't realize how expensive it was till the bill came. But I'd say it was worth it. I had chicken dumplings, egg fried rice, garlic broccoli (split with Blue) and this cute little (non-alcoholic) peach drink! It was delicious. I could totally imagine a K-pop idol eating there! For some reason, my mind goes to Hyolyn from Sistar and Tiffany from Girls' Generation. I'd like to come back when I have the money. ^-^

I've also been spending less lately. I think my rock bottom was when I went thrifting with a friend last week and spent a concerning amount of money, though I won't divulge the figure here, given my admittedly low budget. I'm not bankrupting my family, but after adding up my spending for the past month and a half since coming here, I've become really anxious. Granted, there are plenty of reasons why it might not be entirely my fault or something, but at the end of the day I just need to take responsibility and do better. Which I did today!

I was going to just do my weekly grocery shopping, stop by the post office and maybe treat myself to some press-on nails today, but I ran into a cool person from my uni's K-pop club who I've been wanting to hang out with, and we ended up spending the day going shopping together! But besides the stuff I had had in mind, I only ended up buying about £10 worth of stuff! Part of which is a surprise for Grey. :) I also bought myself a bracelet and a box set of the first five seasons of Gossip Girl on DVD. It was really cool and, I hope, the start of a friendship.

And that's about it! Blue and I are going somewhere cool this weekend, which I hope to update you about as soon as I return. I still miss Grey a lot, but we're doing our best to appreciate the time we get to spend together anyhow. I'm trying to do all my work and everything, and I think I'm doing better than I was, thank God. I hope I can work on my site tomorrow as well! Anyways, I've got to go get ready for bed. Toodles! (-_-)Zzzz

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Romance and Retro! (Plus, Kangmin Solo Debut?)

2026-02-16T23:26:43Z

Firstly---Verivery's Kangmin is getting a solo debut! I'm excited and happy for him. :) My only hope, and chief concern, is that they don't suddenly prioritize his solo activities over the group activities. Yes, he's the most popular member and a solo comeback is probably less expensive than a group comeback, but all the members resigned with Jellyfish and the company owes it to them and to the fans to give us some group comebacks sometimes as well! But that worry aside, I'm excited! I'm sure the album will be amazing, and my congratulations and best wishes to Kangmin! (Although a Minchan solo debut is my #1 wish! for solo activities!)

Valentine's Day was Saturday! It was my first Valentine's Day together with Grey, and it was nice. I finally got to give him my gift, which I was super excited about! One of our favourite things to say to one another is "I love you to the moon and back", so I commissioned Marble to draw a picture of us in front of the moon holding each other with "I love you to the moon and back" written next to it. Thankfully, he loved it! :D And even set it as his background on his cell phone.

He sent me a gift as well, but it hasn't arrived in the mail, so I'm not sure what it is! But I'm super excited to find out. :)

Our Valentine's plans consisted of us making the same meal (tomato garlic pasta with garlic bread) and then watching 50 First Dates together over Discord! It was really nice, although honestly I felt really emotional since I really miss him. It sucks being so far away on Valentine's Day, especially on our first Valentine's day together. I just can't wait until I get to see him again. I also upped my dose of estrogen the other day, so that's conveniently making me extra emotional. But at the end of the day, I just love him and miss him. <3

We stayed up late talking on Valentine's Day, so yesterday I slept in and basically did nothing all day--except for dinner, when I took a spontaneous bus ride to McDonald's. I'm not sure if it was worth it, but if I hadn't done that I would've gone stir crazy, so I'll say it was!

Today was eventful! I hurried into London in the morning in order to pick up something very cool I won in an auction: an iBook G4!! I've always wanted one sinc I was 8 or so years old. Somehow I thought I would use it as a dedicated YouTube machine in the bathroom for a while? i never had a good use for one, but I've always wanted one, and I found this one on the cheap on eBay as a pick-up-nearby sort of thing for around $40. It came with the install DVDs, a charger and a case, and it works! And the battery even holds a bit of a charge!! I surfed the Net on it a bit this evening and it was the oolest thing. It runs Tiger, too, which is really cool---I think Tiger looks way better than Leopard, especially on that era of hardware. It's super WICKED!! :D I'll be posting photos on my Web site soon, but for now, that's another addition to my Mac collection!!

And now I'm talking to Grey on the phone! I miss being with him in person, but I'm still really glad I get to call him and video call him. It makes it all easier. :) I love him! <3 Happy Valentine's Day, honey, if you're reading this! ^-^

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The Morning From Hell

2026-02-13T11:24:35Z

Well, I didn't think I'd be blogging again, so soon, but I need to rant right now and blow off some steam because I'm in hell.

There's a seal I didn't know you could remove in my water bottles, and when I removed it, it was kind of gross, because of course, so they're out of commission right now till I can wash them later today. So I left without one this morning, and went to the little convenience store on campus to buy one, and... of course, I forgot my credit card. Actually, I forgot my whole wallet, so I don't have my key either. So now I'm back in my least favourite class, parched and locked out. And drinking fountains don't exist here---only water bottles. har dee har.

So I'm not in a very pleasant mood right now, and I am not paying attention to class at all. God help me. AGH!!!!!

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Mrs Go-Away

2026-02-12T16:37:57Z

Well, it's been a busy couple weeks. I don't know why, since I don't seem to have that much work, but I feel like I'm constantly falling behind and overwhelmed. I have a bunch of clean laundry that I haven't folded yet---although I only washed it last night, so it's a lot better than normal---and reading for A) my London Lit class tomorrow and B) my Genre Fiction class Monday that I haven't done. And I haven't even though about my Ancient History class Tuesday yet---that's for Monday evening Lizzie to work on.

Speaking of London Lit, last week I had to read a pretty dreadful book for it. I'm sorry to any Woolfites (is that a thing?) out there reading this, but just can't stand Mrs Dalloway by Virginia Woolf. I read To The Lighthouse, another book by the same author, back in high school and couldn't really get into it later. The narration is supposed to be "stream-of-consciousness", and I guess it's so stream-of-consciousness that I can't pay attention and slip into my own stream of consciousness. Plus, I don't have any clue what on Earth is happening in the book. I didn't end up getting very far. Which I think was the start of my whole weird backslide.

Other than that, I think I'm slipping into a routine. I spend most of my days alone, actually, but I hang out with friends and go to clubs sometimes. I think living with roommates in America versus having a room to myself here is the main difference---all I share is a kitchen. And my flatmates are all friends from their American schools, so I'm kind of the odd one out.

It's just an awkward situation, but I have plans to hang out with someone next Wednesday. and I'm getting better at being social! Sadly I'm just feeling blegh today so I've stayed in all day. My college is having a free dinner tonight but I'm not sure if I'm going to go or not since I have some homework still, and I still don't feel 100%. We'll see! But I have to go do reading. Toodles!

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One Month Down!

2026-02-03T20:54:47Z

And a zillion to go, it feels like.

But I've been having fun since my last post! The other day I went to visit Blue up at (brace yourselves) Oxford, where he's doing a semester at Keeble College studying medievalism! I didn't get out of the house till terribly late, though, and then at the local station had to wait FORTY minutes for a train which I then took for six minutes to change to another station. At that point I may as well have walked.

But several train changes later (and one bus, since Oxford's station is being renovated) I made it! Blue greeted me at the station and we walked through ye olde city of Oxford! It was lovely, although there's a great deal more beige brick compared to my area of London. We went to a lovely mall---malls are one of my happy places---and got to ride some lovely escalators. (I've been developing an odd obsession with escalators of late. They are so very fun to ride!)

We then went to the Bodlean Library (my sincerest apologies for most definitely misspelling that) and saw a ridiculously small exhibition on Jane Austen. (which somehow still got quite the billing---I think the signs for it outside were bigger than the exhibition itself!) It was reminiscent of another disappointing exhibition we saw a couple of years ago...

Then I got to see the hallowed halls of Keeble! Although apparently Blue seldom has class there as tutors just come to his building. It vexes him greatly, and I get why! If one is at Oxford, one ought to make the most of it!

We went to the chapel service in the evening---it was Candlemas! Which is where you get candles and the (Anglican) priest blesses them and you light and hold them during the service. I didn't know that existed! And I'm Episcopalian---I though we were big into the ecclesiastical calendar, but I guess we don't compare to the Church of England! And then we went to FORMAL FREAKING DINNER!! it was the most formal meal I've ever been to. The started was this delicious mushroom tart/quiche, and for the main course there was GUINEA FOWL! I'd never had it before, but it was positively delectable. There were such excellent boiled potatoes (ha) and warm cabbage (that one was weird) on the side and sticky toffee pudding for dessert! It was splendid!

I did end up getting back really late, though. I got to the local train station after midnight and was the only one there, and it was really creepy. I couldn't find my way out for a bit either. I called Grey when I got to the station, when I was waiting for and on the bus (where the bus driver floored it as soon as I stepped on the bus while I was still looking for my credit card in my purse, and when I stumbled backward had the audacity to bang on his window and point at the payment terminal) and until I got back to my dorm because I was creeped out. And I didn't feel calm enough to go to sleep till about 2.

Yesterday was quite good as well---except that Grey broke the news to me that he's not going to be able to make it over here after all. I was really bummed, but obviously I understand---I won't get into it for privacy's sake, but he has a really good reason. It's just a bummer. :(

Today I slept in way late and I'm still tired! My ancient history class was pretty boring and I'm this close to giving up on reading Mrs Dalloway for my London Literature class for Friday. I've never been able to understand Virginia Woolf very easily, and having to read this book so quickly is definitely not helping with that either. I just struggle with the way it feels like her sentences all blend together with no definitive action, so I can never actually tell what's going on. I suppose that might be the point of her style, though---Modernist stream-of-consciousness writing and all that. I wish I could understand and appreciate it more, but I think it's just not for me.

I'm getting pretty tired now---I'm going to call Grey later, but for now I think I might just chill and do nothing or maybe play DS. The other day a couple friends and I went to the British Museum and I found a CEX store, where I grabbed an armful of DS games! I've been playing Frozen: Olaf's Quest. It's nothing extraordinary but it's pretty enjoyable. Toodles!

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Exploration!

2026-01-29T00:35:09Z

I didn't have class today, which meant it was my first big solo day in greater London! I was really excited for this. I went in with no plan, and was going to go wherever the wind blew me! Though that didn't end up being very interesting. But I still had some fun little moments. Someone was playing Fur Elise in Waterloo Station, and I had a lovely triple chocolate doughnut while I watched! I also had a cheeky Nando's! Forever fulfilling twelve-year-old me's dream. Nando's was really good! It had peri peri chicken. I'm still not 100% sure what that is but I like it! And hey, peri peri sounds like Verivery! I also had their chips (fries) and mac and cheese, which were both good.

I walked around for a long time, but I happened to be in an office-building-and-restaurant district, not one with any fun shops or attractions. Which I guess is the bad part of going "wherever the wind blows me". And I want to start finding more local places rather than chains. But I've already found some in my part of London, like this amazing Korean place Blue and I tried when he visited last weekend. Which reminds me: I need to add the link to his new Web site, because he's joined the ranks of my fellow Neocitizens! I need to work more on the main part of my site beyond my blog.

Anyways, I ended up catching a bus (or multiple, rather, because a lot of the buses had their routes cut short) and a train back to campus. Grey and I had a lunch/dinner date tonight! We both made tomato garlic chicken pasta, and since his lunch is when I eat dinner, we ate together and watched YouTube. :) It was really great! I miss him. But I guess that shows how much I love him, which I really do! <3 I miss spending whole days together with him, from morning till night. Those are some of my happiest times. :)

That's my day! Now it's getting really late, and I need to brush my teeth and go to bed! But at least I'm sleeping in tomorrow. So anyways, toodles!

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Hello From London!

2026-01-21T19:52:45Z

It's been about a week and I've barely had time and energy to blog—my apologies! So far this still feels a bit unreal. I'm sitting in the lecture for my second class right now. Classes here are only once a week, but last four hours! Which is, some might say, a lot. But with a good professor it goes by rather quickly. At least until 5:00 or so. I had my first class yesterday—Genre Fiction—and it was pretty delightful! My classmates were chill, as was the professor—but he was also funny and just a personable fellow. The workload is the only thing that scares me—we have to read a book a week plus read an article and watch an hour video lecture. I meant to get a lot of the reading done this morning, but—cooking interfered!

That's been the biggest challenge so far! My parents never really taught me how to cook and I'm used to relying on the dining halls in America, so it's been a literal learning process, and quite a stressful one at that! I feel like everybody my age knows how to cook—even friends like Eggshell who live in dorms. I know Blue and Green both know how, and Grey does as well. So it all makes me feel like I'm way behind, and a bit pathetic, to be honest. I'm 19 years old and don't know how to do much beyond cooking ramen on the stovetop. It's made cooking this intimidating, impenetrable fog of an activity. I've managed to fry eggs without much incident, but trying to make fried rice last night resulted in a bit of a breakdown

It's the next day now! I've been very busy of late. And not busy at all. I meant to get a good deal of homework done today and only got about half the reading done that I wanted to get done. But I suppose I have all of tomorrow to do it, as well, and some leftover time on Friday. Blue's coming to visit from his university on Saturday! And then Sunday after church I was thinking of hanging out on-line with Grey and playing some Minecraft. We meant to do that the other day but I had a stress-induced stomachache after my nightmare fried rice episode. Although the rice actually turned out better than I thought!

I just think the stoves here are screwed up, because this morning I spend Heaven only knows how long waiting for the last bit of egg to cook when I was frying two eggs for breakfast, and by the time everything was done the rest was cold. They don't get hot---just warm at best, as my flatmate put it---and they're so unevenly heated!

My second class---Ancient History---is pretty unremarkable. There are a lot more guys in that class compared to Genre Fiction, and I got a true British lad experience yesterday:

Professor: Why is it so hard to validate these ancient artifacts?
Lad (without missing a beat): Because it's really old innit?

I've been watching a lot of YouTube the past week (I've been here a week!!!) because I don't really know what else to do to fill my time outside of class. I'm not really close enough with people to ask them to come over yet, and I don't have any hangout ideas, plus I'm normally tired enough that I just want to chill alone. It's very odd so far but it's only the start of the semester! I still have a lot of time to get used to everything and get into the swing of it.

But that's about it for now. I think I might start getting ready for bed or something---I really am very tired! Toodles!

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Hello From Chicago!

2026-01-14T01:24:01Z

Currently at my layover in Chicago! The first flight was barely an hour, so I didn't have time to do anything other than listen to a few songs on my iPod and lose to the CPUs in Tetris. (Despite the fact that I've gotten noticeably better to the point that I beat Grey most of the time. What the hell kind of CPUs are these?) Guys, the Chicago airport is seriously cool! There are all sorts of cool, magical light show-type things on the ceilings of the walkways, and I found myself wishing Grey were there with me so we could kiss underneath them. Now that would have been magical.

I think leaving him is going to be the hardest part of this semester. Over the past month of winter break we've been together most days of the week, and the worst thing for me is going to be not being able to kiss him and hug him. I really miss him! </3 I love him so much. I can't wait till he visits. :)

Anyways, TTYL! Grey's calling me. <3

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About to go!

2026-01-13T17:15:46Z

I'm finishing packing all my things, and I leave for the airport in about an hour! This is scary and weird. I'm not going to be home for four or five months. I'm not going to see my boyfriend or my family for a lot of that and I'm not going to see any of my college friends at all. I've been harsh on my hometown, etc, in the past but I'm even going to miss this place. The comfort of waking up to all my Verivery posters in my room, my trinkets on my desk, my books on my bookshelves (and on the floor). But the people are what I'll miss most. I'll miss this place. But I'm excited and scared both! I'll update you later, because I have to go back to getting ready!

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Cold Feet and Cold Weather!

2026-01-12T04:45:22Z

Well, this is Sunday night, and I fly out on Tuesday! So I have a whopping two more days here until I leave for the great city of London! It's really exciting---but I'm also scared shitless. What if I don't make friends? What if I don't have enough to do and I'm bored and alone? What if I have too much to do and I'm overwhelmed? And then there's me and Grey. Things are great with him, and logically I know, and he has expressed, that he's going to wait for me, and he's not going away. But I guess I'm scared on a subconscious level. I have some abandonment issues due to past experiences with guys (i.e. over the summer when I got ghosted) and part of me still feels like the past several months with him have been a dream, that I'm going to wake up one morning all alone or come back from London to find out he has no clue who I am, or something horrible like that. I love him so dearly. We were going to try and hold all our tears until tomorrow but we couldn't make it. Or at least I couldn't, because I sobbed in his arms tonight. I don't think I'll be able to process it or anything until I'm over there and we keep calling and texting and e-mailing and IMing. That he's for real. That he's here to stay. I love him so much.

Anyways, all this is giving me cold feet. But I'm going to go, I'm going to do the solo, and WE'RE ALL GONNA HAVE FUN! That said, Blue's going to be there too, a train ride away, Grey's going to visit, and my mum will too! And I think I might even see Pink as well! And I hope I'll make new friends too. :) I'm sure it won't be as bad as I fear.

That's it for now. This girl is getting really sleepy! Talk to y'all soon. :)

P.S. Happy seven years since debut to VERIVERY! I love them :D They're such an important part of my life and I've been a Verrer for almost seven years, i.e. over a third of my life! Their music has helped me through so much and is so incredibly valuable to me. WIthout them I would not be who I am today!

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Flying Up to Flying Out

2026-01-06T16:00:05Z

My semester abroad is flying closer and closer! Blue already left the country yesterday for England, since his program starts a week-ish before mine, and I've started counting down "lasts" for this. It seems silly, since I'll be back in a few months anyway, but still. I'll return twenty years old, first of all---a bona fide twenty-something! And the big thing is that I'm going to miss Grey. We have a few more good days to spend together before we leave, but I'm just really going to miss hugging him, and kissing him (not to be TMI), and just being together, in the same place, through more than just a computer screen. I really love him, and being able to spend so much time together this month has been amazing---it's practically spoilt me rotten. I really love him, you guys!

We had lunch together yesterday---frozen pizza while we watched TV. It was really nice. We relaxed and rested together on Sunday. And it hit me just how blessed I am to have him. In every particular, he's amazing, and we match together so perfectly. He's accepting of me being trans, he helps me work through my insecurities, he's a major goofball and a video game nerd, he goes to church with me, he values communication and emotional openness, and need I go on? He's the greatest blessing in my life at the moment---up there with going to England with my best friend!

I had some mishaps with my hormone doctor, which basically means that I don't have an appointment scheduled before I leave, although I thought I did, and so I'm freaking out about that. I'm going to call them today or tomorrow---I already sent a message/e-mail but no response so far. I'm about running out of my HRT and I'm going to need a refill. AUGH! God help me.

And I haven't even started packing yet. BUT thanks to my dad my white MacBook with the broken charging port is finally up and running again! And in fact, I'm writing from it right now. :) So life isn't all stress. But anyway, toodles!

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Day Out!

2026-01-04T04:19:06Z

Today was a nice day with my friends! Blue, Green and I had dinner, but beforehand Blue and I had a bit of a day out---Green had to work, but Blue and I went into town and went to the mall, where I got a K-pop album, a DVD of Ponyo and a couple random DS games (MySims Racing, Sudoku Mania and Phineas and Ferb Ride Again), and to some other shops. We then went to this fancy little Italian place and I had some really nice pizza! It hit me and Blue while we were out that it was our last day out on the town together as teenagers! Well, in England, we'll have days out on the town, and we'll have days out on the town here once we get back, but it was our last day out on this town as teenagers, since we'll both be turning twenty during our semester abroad. Anyway, it was a great day! ^-^

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Goals for 2026!

2026-01-01T18:57:24Z

I was thinking last night when I was over at Grey's about what my 2026 resolution should be. The one I came up with there is to be less judgemental, because that's something I struggle with sometimes. I think I need to be a bit humbler. But I also want to be kinder to myself and start really loving myself---because I feel like there's a false dichotomy in my mind between either hating myself or being narcissistic, when there is a happy medium. And, inspired by one of my Animal Crossing villagers, I want to get better at eating spicy food! I think I might have a lot of tteokbokki this year then.

Do any of you have any goals for this year? I'd love to chat in the replies!

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2025 In Review!

2025-12-31T17:56:28Z

This year was a really great year, guys! So I thought I'd do a little blog post to review everything that's happened this year. :)

Spring semester of my freshman year was not super eventful but was pretty cool! I got to deepen my friendships with people at college and even start a K-pop club! I was busy but had a really good time. I had some crushes on guys and almost got the courage to ask one out, though those didn't end up going anywhere---and honestly, I'm glad! Everything that was meant to happen happened in time.

And then after the semester ended, I got to go to FREAKING KOREA!! I'm still so happy I got the chance to go there. I hadn't been on an actual vacation since I was probably six or seven, and even then that was nowhere near as cool as Korea! I won't go into too much detail, since my posts are up here for y'all to go read, but it was so cool and a life-changing experience that really made me want to travel and see the world! It was INSANELY cool and I really hope I get to go again!

Then I had an amazing summer. I hung out with Blue and Green a ton and we had a lot of amazing fun antics! I went back to work at a local grocery store, like I had the previous summer, and met Red, my work bestie, and some other work friends! My work life was a lot more fun than before. And, one particularly amazing thing came from that job... a really cute, really sweet guy asked me out one night! He had come through my lane before and developed a little crush on me so when he saw me a couple weeks later he asked me out. :) He became my first date and my first kiss! And that guy is now my wonderful, amazing, unbeatable boyfriend Grey!

I also had some romantic false leads---my love life was surprisingly active all of a sudden this summer! It's funny now to look back at my thoughts on those other guys at the time. It took me a bit to be sure about Grey, but now I've never been surer about anything. I am so in love with him and just want to always be by his side. <3 Grey, if you're reading this, I love you so much! I can't understate it. Grey's so accepting, understanding, mature and loving. I didn't even know if I could ever find a guy who'd be okay with me being trans! But he's so insanely supportive about everything, and he's also a major goofball and a fellow gamer. :)

Granted, the summer wasn't perfect, even love life-wise---I did have a big heartbreak---but I wouldn't trade any of it for anything. And at least that heartbreak helped me to know that Grey was for real, and trustworthy, when we started dating. :)

This semester was realllllly busy (never taking that many credits again!) but I got to develop my club and my friendships even more. I think I'm finally beginning to see who my best friends at college are! :)

Over Thanksgiving break, after talking with Blue inspired me to seize the day---or, I suppose, the guy---Grey and I became official! And shortly afterward, we said our first I love yous. <3 It was all so exciting and still is!

I also got a hyperfixation on Legally Blonde: The Musical this semester! And I got to go visit Blue out west at his college! And finally, Verivery FINALLY had a comeback this December AND got a win for it!!!

And I got to meet Grey's family and friends recently and everything seems to be going well. :) I'm so in love with him and I'm so happy to have him. I'm also so happy to have all my amazing friends, to go to a nice school, and everything else---and to have this blog! I love blogging here and I hope you guys like reading it. :)

This has been a great year and 2026 has so much in store! If you had a good year, I'm thankful for you, and if not, I hope and pray 2026 has unexpected blessings for you. <3 I'm so looking forward to it! Happy new year, everyone! I'm off to go have lunch with some old friends and then celebrate with Grey tonight!

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It's a Wonderful Christmas!

2025-12-27T21:35:15Z

I've had a wonderful Christmas! It's not quite over yet, as Blue, Green and I still have to have our gift exchange this coming Tuesday, but so far I've been able to spend a lot of time with my loved ones. Last Sunday, I went over to Grey's and we had a gift exchange with his brother and sister-in-law! (I probably need to make them their own blog names at some point.) Grey and I wrote each other letters and I love his. :D And he got me a Microsoft Word 2003 guide book/textbook since he knows that's what I use on my XP laptop! I made him a scarf and he loved it, thank God. :) And I just barely finished it! Which reminds me, the day before I had gone to Red's Christmas potluck and just barely finished the scarf whilst I was there! Blue and I also watched The Muppet Christmas Carol---a Christmas must for me---on Monday!

Besides that, his brother and sister-in-law gave me some tea and cocoa, and some mugs, and even this really cool Gilmore Girls cookbook and matching Luke's apron! I'm definitely going to use those, especially when I stop living in dorms with no kitchen and my parents' house with a kitchen in disrepair.

Then, on Wednesday (Christmas Eve) I had a double Christmas. In the morning, I went to his dad's family and met his dad for the first time! It was really nice to meet everyone and we had some fun watching Christmas movies and checking out his dad's racing rig---a steering wheel, pedals and triple monitors that let him play racing games as if he were actually in a car! His dad and the rest of that side of the family got me some fancy lotions and perfumes and stuff, and even a Kate Spade bag. I thought it was really sweet of them to think of me!

That evening I went to my dad's family's Christmas. There was some good food and I got to catch up with some people, at least, but a lot of people were missing and Mean Aunt was there. Thankfully I got by without saying above five words to her. But it was pretty boring. Grey's mum got into town (she lives a couple hours away) that night and I really wished I could have been celebrating with them instead!

Christmas day my parents and I got up and we had our own little Christmas! My mum got me this really lovely Jane Austen tote bag and I got some travel stuff, too, plus my mum is having a beret made for me by this nice local lady! Then we got in the car and headed to my mum's family. I liked seeing my cousins and chit-chatting with my family, and I even learned to double crochet! But I still wished I could've been with Grey and his family. Oh well. I got some nice Victorian novels from my grandma! Agnes Grey by Anne Bronte, Cranford by Elizabeth Gaskell (one of my favourite authors) and The Small House at Allington by Anthony Trollope. One of them was wrapped in a massive box for a kick, LOL!

And then yesterday I finally got to meet Grey's mum! We went to this nice little Chinese restaurant for lunch and then back to Grey's apartment, where she gave me my Christmas present! I was really surprised and touched she got me anything in the first place, and a little bummed out I didn't get her anything! She got me a beautiful leather-bound journal to write my study abroad adventures in and some amazing erasable pens in an array of colours to match, and got me and Grey matching game controller Christmas tree ornaments! They have our initials written on the back. :) She also wrote me this really sweet and heartfelt card. :) And then we three played some Puyo Puyo Tetris! I was nowhere near either of their levels, but I found a 3DS version so I'm going to train up before I see her next. And I did beat her once or twice. :) Granted, that was with me playing on the lowest difficulty and her playing on the highest, but... a win is a win!

I'm just glad that meeting Grey's family went well! Everyone seems to like me so far and I like them too! I also met his best friend today at lunch and we had a nice time. :) And all of my friends he's met so far seem to like him! The only one of my best friends he hasn't met yet is Rose! A few of my non-best close friends he also hasn't met, but I really want him to meet Rose. Maybe if everything ever aligns and we're in town at the same time as her and her boyfriend, we could go on a double date! That'd be really fun. I still need to see if Green and his partner are available to do a double date like we were planning over Thanksgiving break! Sadly I was too busy then.

But yeah. It's been a great week! It's only now hitting me, though, that I'm gonna be gone for a few months! I'm really going to miss Grey and all my friends! At least Blue will be there with me, though! And Grey's going to come visit. :) I'm really gonna miss him but I have no doubt we'll make it through and come out on the other side a stronger couple for it!

Well, I'm off to go play some more Tetris. It's addicting!!!

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