The Mormons Burn Out Wearing Prada

2026-04-15T21:14:10Z

I realized the other night, as I was messaging Grey and Blue, that I have less than a month left (actually, three weeks today) until I'm back home. It hasn't even been three months since I came here, but it's still scary. It's starting to hit me as I tick items off my bucket list. I've made it my goal to try every line of the Tube and every other method of TFL (Transport for London) transport before I leave (except the bikes, as embarrassingly I never learned to ride a bike without training wheels, growing up in a hilly neighbourhood where basically any road I tried to cycle on would have resulted in certain concussion). I've done all the Tube lines except maybe the Hammersmith and City, and I take buses regularly. I took the DLR last night and even got to sit in the front of the train and watch the tracks ahead of me---a very cool experience! I took one Overground train and it was so mind-numbingly uncool I don't intend to take another. The Elizabeth Line, by contrast, was very cool--besides sharing my name and my favourite colour, it's super cushy. Now all that's left is Thameslink, the Cable Car and the Trams. But I wonder---was that my last time on that train route? Was that the last time in that station?

It feels like the possibilities are slipping away---London isn't my oyster anymore, but a frantic rush to tick off the last things I want to do before I leave. I'll be back, I know I will, but I won't be living here. I'm at peace with that in one way---I've grown to love and appreciate my hometown and my friends there, and I couldn't go any longer being so far away from Grey. But at the same time, I've loved it here. For all the grief the British university model has given me and all the quibbles I've had with London, I love it here. It's an odd bittersweet feeling. It isn't home, but everything was beginning to feel oddly familiar, becoming a bit like a second home. I really will miss it here.

Last week I went to Oxford for potentially my last time to visit Blue. It was a total blast, except for the part where I got my skates too narrow at the ice rink and it made my foot sore for a couple days afterward. But we went to the Turf Tavern, a hundreds-of-years-old pub, and the Covered Market, and C.S. Lewis's house, and it was just generally a blast!

I'm burning out so much recently. I haven't blogged in three weeks, I've barely been able to hang out with anyone because everyone's been away for Easter break and/or busy, and I miss home. I miss my friends. I miss familiarity. I miss being able to actually be in the same room as Grey and do more things---video calls just aren't the same and there's only so much you can do over the Internet---YouTube or TV are our main options, though he did introduce me to a card game called Dominion recently. I have too much damn work to do and zero motivation and I'm sick of it. i don't know how to fix this, and my therapist won't reply to my damn texts. I like her, but I think I need to start seeing someone new.

I can't motivate myself to read anything besides contemporary romance novels anymore, and while I love those I'd like some sort of motivation to read something else. And I keep watching YouTube and going on Instagram and everything because that's all I have the mental energy to do anymore. And I don't really have a support system to help me through. Grey's 4000+ miles away, Blue's a good couple hours away by train and even my therapist is totally unreliable. Thank God I only have three weeks left, and half of that is for doing fun travel-y things with Blue and with my mum, who's going to come visit right before I leave. Any work more than the bare minimum is going to send me over the edge. I don't even have the mental energy to put my receipts into a spreadsheet half the time, so i don't know how much I'm spending, and I keep wanting to buy more clothes because Vinted is an evil addictive app with really really cute clothes on it and sellers who won't just accept my unrealistic lowball offer. AGH!!

Anyways, the other night, I went to see The Devil Wears Prada: the musical! It was pretty good. I loved the set for the apartment, with the brick walls, first of all. The music was really good, especially the opening number "I Mean Business" and "Bon Voyage" and its reprise, which are absolutely golden. I loved the "hot nurse" arc for Emily that I don't think was in the original.

I need to figure out A) what other West End shows I'm going to see while here and B) how the hell I'm going to get the motivation to do my damn Ancient History portfolio that I haven't started on yet which is due a week from Friday. Fuck my life.

Sorry for the bummer tone this time, but I'm just in a really bad headspace right now, which I pray will get better over the summer when I have my favourite people nearby, and hopefully find a competent therapist who can meet regularly, because I think I'm at the end of my rope with this one. In the meantime, God help me.

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OCD, Theft of Joy

2026-03-24T22:58:40Z

Heads up in case you don't wanna read about this stuff, but this post is gonna talk about matters of religion (specifically Christianity) as well as OCD and other mental health struggles! To read on, clickity click the cut!

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PurpleHello98

The Mormons Burn Out Wearing Prada

OCD, Theft of Joy