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OK, so, last weekend was INSANELY COOL!!! Forgive me if it sounds like this blog post is some sort of sponsorship or brand deal, and also is devoid of my typical "wit", because it isn't and sort of sponsored thing---I just found a new happy place.

Blue and I were both totally tired and we decided to have a weekend away. So, I pulled out of my back pocket the most EPIC place that I had found several months ago when doing research on what I wanted to do whilst in England! It's called Gladstone's Library and it's potentially my new favourite place on Earth. Basically, it's a library---started with the personal collection of Victorian-era prime minister Gladstone---that you can stay in over night! It has a restaurant and bedrooms, and it's a working library. Apparently some authors stay there for a month at a time to work on their projects and give masterclasses and talks, but sadly none of them were there at the time, at least to our knowledge. But I acquired a new goal: become one of those authors one day!

The library itself is really beautiful. Here's the Theology Room, which is also the area of the library with seating and desks for people to work on whatever.

a beuatiful reading room with white walls, brown wood bookshelves full of old books, brown arches in the ceiling and daylight streaming in from non-visible walls on the top of two floors. the bottom floor, visible through the middle over the balcony, is warmly lit with armchairs.

And here's the outside of the library!

a brown brick wide Georgian style two-store house that's actually a library. it has wings on the side and a lawn in the middle

We arrived there on Saturday. We could have actually prolonged our stay by a day since Blue's tutor cancelled on him last minute Friday, btu of course we didn't know that when booking. It was about 6 hours of being on trains and waiting on trains to get to the little village (called Hawarden) in Wales that it's in from London, but at least I got to work on some creative writing on the train! But I was pretty tired by the time I got there.

We went up to our room---a cute little room with some twin beds, a view out onto the roof (full of scaffolding as they're doing construction) and a desk that inexplicably had no chair. And they also have a cute vintage radio in the room! I got the bed next to the window because I like waking up to the morning light, and then we went to tea!

They gave us an insane amount of pastries and sandwiches to the point we finished maybe half of what they gave us, and then we took a tour of the library before we went walking around the village! But we didn't see much, because we came upon this gate that led to "Hawarden Estate"---and if there's anything to draw in two Janeites, it's an estate! It turned out to basically be a bunch of fields open to the public to walk around---the kind of thing American parks wish they could be. Everything was so lush and green (because they actually get precipitation here) and we had an amazing walk. We went down into a valley and down an old path with little stone walls that must be hundreds of years old, and found a field of sheep! But the pièce de resistance of the Estate was when we went up a hill, and we found a Norman castle! There was a tower with moss between the bricks and a Welsh flag flying on top surrounded by what must have been hundreds of daffodils. It was beautiful, but we couldn't find a way to get up there, so we ended up going back to the hotel.

the ruins of a castle tower atop a hill whose side is full of daffodils. the bottom of the image is sadly ugly brown brush. the tower is only the bottom of what it would have once been as it was partially destroyed.some sheep in a field!

We watched the movie Crossroads with Britney Spears, which is surprisingly dark, first of all! Also, I'm surprised I never watched it back in my Britney Spears phase (about 2018-2022). The main character's love interest had bad vibes I couldn't quite pinpoint, and I think it's so gross that this movie, about freshly 18, freshly out of high school girls, has such a hyperfixation on the main character having sex for the first time, especially when the target audience was probably younger girls.

Then we went to dinner! For starters Blue had foccacia and beetroot hummus, and I had an UNBELIEVABLE mixed-pepper soup with really delicious bread. For our main course we got chicken chasseur, which is a French dish with chicken, green beans and mashed potatoes with some sort of sauce. It was pretty good!

I got to do some creative writing in the library after dinner, and since my laptop didn't connect to the library's Wi-Fi, I had a really great distraction-free place to focus on my writing! I'd love to go on a writing retreat there someday. After the library closed, we washed up and went to bed!

The next morning we got up and went to the complimentary continental breakfast. Somehow I took continental breakfast to mean English breakfast, so I was looking forward to fresh eggs, bacon, etc., and instead had to suffer through cold eggs, toast with marmalade (which I didn't realize I hated as I'd never had it) and wheat flakes. We then set off on a walk to the local Farm Shop on the Hawarden Estate. We checked it out and decided to come back for lunch, and in the meanwhile had another walk through the other side of the Estate! And eventually... came across the castle and were able to get all the way up! There were more ruins we hadn't seen, including a dungeon, and a more contemporary house below. It was amazing and the moment was really beautiful as we sat amidst the daffodils in front of a 700-year-old castle as a gentle spring breeze blew by.

more ruins i don't really know how to describe other than there are doors and maybe it used to be hallways but now it's covered in grassthe outside of a dungeon cell amidst some leaves and trees

We went back and had quite a nice lunch, but on our walk back to the library came down with stomach cramps that plagued us the rest of the day. I'm not actually sure if mine was a period or not. (For those reading who might be inclined to fight on that, yes, I know trans women don't have uteri and therefore can't menstruate, however we do have hormone cycles mirroring cis women's and therefore can get some PMS-like symptoms.) I'm not a doctor, and being relatively early in my transition, I have no clue what a period feels like. But maybe that's what it was? I do feel a bit moodier than general as well. I'm not sure. Agh!!

Anyways, I chilled in the library---napping/listening to my iPod as I was in a bit too much pain to do any writing, sadly---until we caught our trains back to our respective abodes. Overall, despite the cramps on the second day, it was a really amazing trip and we're both dying to go back there!!

And that's about it. Sidenote to any AFAB readers or other trans girls with period/PMS-like symptoms---how the hell are we supposed to deal with this? this immobilized me for the past three and a half days, and I dread having to work on this.
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Well, it's been a busy couple weeks. I don't know why, since I don't seem to have that much work, but I feel like I'm constantly falling behind and overwhelmed. I have a bunch of clean laundry that I haven't folded yet---although I only washed it last night, so it's a lot better than normal---and reading for A) my London Lit class tomorrow and B) my Genre Fiction class Monday that I haven't done. And I haven't even though about my Ancient History class Tuesday yet---that's for Monday evening Lizzie to work on.

Speaking of London Lit, last week I had to read a pretty dreadful book for it. I'm sorry to any Woolfites (is that a thing?) out there reading this, but  just can't stand Mrs Dalloway by Virginia Woolf. I read To The Lighthouse, another book by the same author, back in high school and couldn't really get into it later. The narration is supposed to be "stream-of-consciousness", and I guess it's so stream-of-consciousness that I can't pay attention and slip into my own stream of consciousness. Plus, I don't have any clue what on Earth is happening in the book. I didn't end up getting very far. Which I think was the start of my whole weird backslide.

Other than that, I think I'm slipping into a routine. I spend most of my days alone, actually, but I hang out with friends and go to clubs sometimes. I think living with roommates in America versus having a room to myself here is the main difference---all I share is a kitchen. And my flatmates are all friends from their American schools, so I'm kind of the odd one out.

It's just an awkward situation, but I have plans to hang out with someone next Wednesday. and I'm getting better at being social! Sadly I'm just feeling blegh today so I've stayed in all day. My college is having a free dinner tonight but I'm not sure if I'm going to go or not since I have some homework still, and I still don't feel 100%. We'll see! But I have to go do reading. Toodles!
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And a zillion to go, it feels like.

But I've been having fun since my last post! The other day I went to visit Blue up at (brace yourselves) Oxford, where he's doing a semester at Keeble College studying medievalism! I didn't get out of the house till terribly late, though, and then at the local station had to wait FORTY minutes for a train which I then took for six minutes to change to another station. At that point I may as well have walked.

But several train changes later (and one bus, since Oxford's station is being renovated) I made it! Blue greeted me at the station and we walked through ye olde city of Oxford! It was lovely, although there's a great deal more beige brick compared to my area of London. We went to a lovely mall---malls are one of my happy places---and got to ride some lovely escalators. (I've been developing an odd obsession with escalators of late. They are so very fun to ride!)

We then went to the Bodlean Library (my sincerest apologies for most definitely misspelling that) and saw a ridiculously small exhibition on Jane Austen. (which somehow still got quite the billing---I think the signs for it outside were bigger than the exhibition itself!) It was reminiscent of another disappointing exhibition we saw a couple of years ago...

Then I got to see the hallowed halls of Keeble! Although apparently Blue seldom has class there as tutors just come to his building. It vexes him greatly, and I get why! If one is at Oxford, one ought to make the most of it!

We went to the chapel service in the evening---it was Candlemas! Which is where you get candles and the (Anglican) priest blesses them and you light and hold them during the service. I didn't know that existed! And I'm Episcopalian---I though we were big into the ecclesiastical calendar, but I guess we don't compare to the Church of England! And then we went to FORMAL FREAKING DINNER!! it was the most formal meal I've ever been to. The started was this delicious mushroom tart/quiche, and for the main course there was GUINEA FOWL! I'd never had it before, but it was positively delectable. There were such excellent boiled potatoes (ha) and warm cabbage (that one was weird) on the side and sticky toffee pudding for dessert! It was splendid!

I did end up getting back really late, though. I got to the local train station after midnight and was the only one there, and it was really creepy. I couldn't find my way out for a bit either. I called Grey when I got to the station, when I was waiting for and on the bus (where the bus driver floored it as soon as I stepped on the bus while I was still looking for my credit card in my purse, and when I stumbled backward had the audacity to bang on his window and point at the payment terminal) and until I got back to my dorm because I was creeped out. And I didn't feel calm enough to go to sleep till about 2.

Yesterday was quite good as well---except that Grey broke the news to me that he's not going to be able to make it over here after all. I was really bummed, but obviously I understand---I won't get into it for privacy's sake, but he has a really good reason. It's just a bummer. :(

Today I slept in way late and I'm still tired! My ancient history class was pretty boring and I'm this close to giving up on reading Mrs Dalloway for my London Literature class for Friday. I've never been able to understand Virginia Woolf very easily, and having to read this book so quickly is definitely not helping with that either. I just struggle with the way it feels like her sentences all blend together with no definitive action, so I can never actually tell what's going on. I suppose that might be the point of her style, though---Modernist stream-of-consciousness writing and all that. I wish I could understand and appreciate it more, but I think it's just not for me.

I'm getting pretty tired now---I'm going to call Grey later, but for now I think I might just chill and do nothing or maybe play DS. The other day a couple friends and I went to the British Museum and I found a CEX store, where I grabbed an armful of DS games! I've been playing Frozen: Olaf's Quest. It's nothing extraordinary but it's pretty enjoyable. Toodles!

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It's been a long time! I've been very busy. Finals time is around the corner looming scarily, even though it's been a week and a half since Halloween! So I've been insanely busy lately, and it feels like I haven't gotten a break in forever.

I went to my summer job work bestie Red's Halloween party on Halloween! It was just me, her and her best friend, and then her roommate and the twenty people he invited. So the three of us hid out in the kitchen until her best friend left since he had work early, and then the roommate and all his friends went to an afterparty. Our cool older cousin-vibes coworker brought his adorable little daughter over to trick or treat as well!! She was the cutest, shiest little princess. :) I about died! (But no, Blue, if you're reading, that doesn't mean I'm going to have a kid yet! LOL) Then Red and I watched weird YouTube videos from back in the day for a few hours (which is my kind of party) until after midnight, and I went home.

The next day I went on a date with the fella I've been dating! Let's call him Grey, because my favourite hoodie of his is grey. :) Anyways, we went out for lunch, and then went thrifting, where we both got some cute clothes, and then had a cute little pizza dinner watching the sunset and got some yummy cookies!

Since then, my life has mostly been unnoteworthy. I'm becoming hyperfixated on Legally Blonde: The Musical, even though it's been quite a while since I saw it! I also went round to a friend's house to play Mario Party on Friday night, which was really fun!

At least I've gotten some time to read a book lately. It's a great reprieve from everything--which is sorely needed, because I've been so busy! I had a draft of a twenty-page paper due Tuesday in my education class, which was a struggle to get done, and then there's been everything else afterwards as well. I'm totally exhausted, and there's still two more weeks to Thanksgiving break!

I am NEVER taking this many credit hours again. I think I've learned my lesson.

Now, off to make some lunch! It's a nice, cold, cozy day so maybe some pasta? I'm excited!

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Today's one of those wonderful days! Thankfully, it seems like this autumn's hot streak is finally over---today it was gloomy and a bit chilly. I started my day off with some reading---Miss Mackenzie by Anthony Trollope---and it fit with the day's atmosphere, I think. I'm just waiting for a morning where I wake up and it's storming so hard I stay in bed and read until I have to get up to go to class!

I had my scholarship job today. I was one minute late, so the person before me had closed the desk up already. We're supposed to wait five minutes or so for the next person to show after our shift ends, but I can understand. Anyway, the desk I work at has a little keycode thing since some of the stuff is sensitive, and you're supposed to lock it when nobody's there. I tried entering my code in any way I could think of, with the star, the pound sign, and all, but no dice. I eventually had to message in our Discord chatroom, and one member private IM'd me her code. And, what do you know? It worked perfectly! So I hope my code works next time. I'm just glad nobody needed me to get something from inside the desk before I figured it out!

Then I went to the library and did some homework---and got distracted. I'm awfully tired today, even though I slept in! But I got some work done, at least, and so I don't feel entirely unsatisfied with myself---I just have to write another entry and a half in this fictional journal project thingy before class Monday morning.

And then I got to go back to my room and curl up with a good book again! This one was about Charlotte Bronte---one of my favourite authors. That one, I really lost track of time with.

I'm supposed to call Blue and Green any minute now (we were supposed to call at 7, but they're both occupied) and then have a (very) late dinner with another friend afterward. I also want to get some crocheting in before bed! It's a perfect day to crochet, and since I'm making a hat it's fitting for the cooling weather! So TTFN whilst I go... do something until I call my friends? TTFN!!

Ugh Again

Aug. 8th, 2021 09:23 pm
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My disappointment is immeasurable, and my day is almost ruined. The weather forecast said that it was supposed to rain today. First, at 4 and 5, there were meant to be SEVERE THUNDERSTORMS, but they moved north. Then, it was supposed to rain again from 7 to around 10. Nope, nothing. It's supposed to rain at 3 AM now, but 1) I'd rather it be in the day so I can enjoy the rain and 2) I've lost my belief in that claim as well. Why must the weather be this way?

Additionally in the "ugh" department, we went through my supply list today for school. Somehow, despite having precisely one gazillion composition notebooks that I like, never use (I needed two), we've ran out of the spiral notebooks. I need two for school, but we only have one in the house. So we're going to pick one up when we go shopping tomorrow. One thing we don't need, however, is pencils. In our school supplied stockpile, we have probably a thousand pencils. For some reason, we just bought a tonne when I went into (I believe) grade one and we've been running mostly off of them for our pencils ever since.

Also, in relation to those Murder, She Wrote books I mentioned last time: there's one called Murder on the QE2 that I've wanted to read even more than all the others, and my parents found it as well as one more! They also found like a hundred books by some guy named Isaac Asimov. I looked him up, and he apparently did over 500 books in his life!

But yeah, anyways, that's all that I have to talk about for now, so I'll talk to you all later. Bye!

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So today, I've watched three and a half or four episodes (I can't remember which) of 7th Heaven. I saw my dad watching it on TV a while ago and it interested me, so when I found out that it's on Hulu, I started watching right away.

Also, speaking of TV, if you've read almost any of my recent blog posts, you'll know that I love Murder, She Wrote. Well, there's a series of tie-in books starring the show's main character, Jessica Fletcher. Anyways, my parents have been going through my mother's books for some reason, and I was asking them if we could have pizza for dinner, when I found one on top of a stack. I looked around some more, and noticed four more! So yeah, after I finish the book I'm reading right now, I'll get on reading those!

Speaking of pizza, we had some tonight, and by some miracle, I managed to eat two slices (which isn't that abnormal) plus a whopping FOUR breadsticks! I'm surprised I didn't go into one of those "food comas" where you nap after you eat a lot! And honestly, whenever my family buys a pizza, that's normally dinner for two or three nights since we normally get two pizzas.

Also, it's less than two weeks until school. Ugh. What's annoying is that they're trying to make us go on some dumb team-building day, which includes a high rope course and ziplining. I have gotten this far in my life without having to climb ropes, and I wouldn't like to start now with some dangling ropes that are feet above the ground. Also, I'm probably making this seems worse in my mind than it really will be, but I still really don't want to go ziplining. Ugh.

But yeah, anyways, that's all that I have to talk about tonight, so I'll talk to you all later. Bye!

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So I've been watching (what else?) more Facts of Life, and they've finally reached the era where George Clooney was on the show. In case y'all don't know, George Clooney got his big break playing George Burnett, a handyman/construction guy on the show. He was a main cast member in season 7, and recurring in season 8. Anyways, he was pretty handsome in the 80s, if I do say so myself. Honestly, I think that guys having dark, rather short, curly hair is just weirdly attractive to me. I mean, Colin Firth's Mr Darcy AND George Clooney circa 1985-87? 2 for 2 for the dark curly-haired hunks. I've also started watching Full House on Hulu, and Jesse was attractive too. Maybe men were just more attractive in the 80s and 90s? Who knows?

Anyways, my family and I went out to dinner again tonight. While we were there, some man who dresses like my grandpa walked up to us out of the blue and started chatting back and forth with my dad. Some woman (that I don't think I've ever seen in my life before tonight), who I believe is his wife, showed up behind him soon after and nodded at me like we were acquaintances. As it turns out, my father and his siblings went to school with this man and he was best friends with my father's older brother. Anyway, they chatted for a minute before the man and his wife (and some other guy who looked to be a bit older than the others, who might have been with them, idk).

Anyway, on the way home, there were some people working on the roads (like they have been for around two months now) on the way home, and as we passed them, there was just one of the workers looking at a machine thingy in front of him which was on fire (flames were like shooting up). Honestly, I wish that I had had time to take a photo of it, but sadly, we were but passing them on the highway of life.

Also, if any of you pay attention to the Now Reading section on my homepage (does anyone?), then you'll know that I've been reading a lot of Sarah Dessen books recently. I've read like 5 or 6 so far, and I just finished the last one I had on hand tonight at the restaurant. Thankfully, my mother dropped one off next to my desk before we left, so I have one to last another week or so, but sadly I've worn out all the Sarah Dessen books in my house and my local library, so I'll have to turn to some other YA books or maybe some more biographies/historicall books. I wish I had a Kindle but I don't :(

Anyways, other than that, I don't have much else to talk about, so I'll talk to you all later. Bye!

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Yesterday. Was. Amazing!

I had a halfday at school, so I got out right after noon and I got McDonald's for lunch! I know it's so unhealthy, but I love to treat myself to McDonald's sometimes. I also spent a good portion of my afternoon watching Murder, She Wrote on Peacock. I love it so much! Of course, I've also been writing, as usual!

Also, I've just recently realized that there's less that one month until my school gets out, which means that there's three weeks until finals. Me being me, of course, I feel woefully unprepared. Thankfully, at least my Latin teacher is splitting it up into different sections and making it open-book, and I feel prepared for all the other exams for the most part, except for physics. I mean, what the hell is an ohm? Oh well, I can just teach myself, like I normally do. In case you couldn't tell, I'm not the biggest fan of my physics teacher, he mostly just rattled off stuff and expects us to know it flawlessly.

Also, as of late I've become rather enamoured with the Web site Goodreads. I love keeping track of my progress as I read and reviewing books after I've finished! Lately, I've read/been reading:

  1. Beowulf, translated by Seamus Hearney, for my English class. I finished this a couple of weks ago.
  2. Macbeth by Shakespeare, also for English. I'm currently reading this.
  3. A handful of books by Sarah Dessen. All of them have been pretty great so far! So far, I've read Lock and Key, Just LIsten, and Someone Like You.
  4. Time and Chance by Kim Campbell, Canada's first woman to be prime minister. I kinda want to read books about different famous politicians, and this is my starting point.
  5. Currently, I'm reading Sophia of Hanover by J.N. Duggan. It's super cool so far!

But yeah, I need to do my homework (or at least pretend that I might get around to it) so I'll talk to you all later, bye!

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So spring break is over! :( Honestly, last week was a super great week. I think being able to sleep in until 8:30 instead of the 7:30 that I normally wake up at definitely helped! I've been writing some more on my new WIP, and it's coming along really nicely! One of the best parts of the writing process is when you're processing your story's plot in your mind and you come up with a super great addition/plot point to add!

Recently, I've also watched The Lizzie Bennet Diaries on YouTube, which, if you don't know, is basically the story of Pride and Prejudice retold in a modern view through the medium of vlogging, and it's super entertaining! I watched all 100 episodes in about 2 days! You should all go watch it (after you've finished checking out my site, of course!)

So, The Lizzie Bennet Diaries got me thinking: what if I made my own video diaries? I'm still unsure about it, but if I decide to make video diaries, you all here will be the first to know!

In quickfire "other news",

  1. I want to find out how to make a gallery feature for the Verivery page on my site, so if anyone knows how to do that, then please comment on my guestbook!
  2. I've been reading a lot of books by Sarah Dessen, and they're great! You all should go read her books.
  3. At some point, I had a flashback to Glove and Boots, a YouTube channel that I absolutely loved back in around 2016 and 2017! It seems they stopped making content back in 2019/2020, though which is super sad, but after checking one of their Twitter accounts, it seems that they've just been held up by COVID.
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This is super random but I just remembered an episode of Dog With A Blog where the family had an entire conversation about the difference between jelly, jam and preserves. Anyways, that's not really the point of this post. So the past day or two, I've been reading Pride and Prejudice, and honestly, Jane Austen should've written comedy. Like seriously, listen to this:

"I do not cough for my own amusement," replied Kitty fretfully. ... "Now, Kitty, you may cough as you choose."

I don't know why, but that's just so funny to me? Anyways, I'm having cheese tortellini with pesto sauce for dinner, so I'm super excited!
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So today at school, I got my copy of Frankenstein by Mary Shelley, which I'm going to read for my philosophy class! I'm honestly kind of excited, because I've heard that it's quite a good book. Also, I've been doing some more writing today, as always, and I think that I'm going pretty well so far! Also, I miss late 90s/early 2000s fashion. Like frosted lip gloss looks super cute!
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So today I found out that my winter holiday isn't for about another month and a few days. :( So I'll have to deal with almost-nonstop school longer than I thought I would have to. THankfully though, a couple weeks from now I get two Fridays off! Also, since last night I've been rereading this fic on Wattpad (it's not a fanfic) I read a few years ago called Baked Love, and it's actually pretty good, which is certainly surprising for something on the infamous Wattpad platform. Anyways, I'm gonna go do some reading and writing, so talk to you later!
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Today's my last day off school :(

Also, for some reason I woke up at 6:30 AM and remembered that I forgot to cite my sources on my essay. Shite. But at this point, there's not really anything that I can do about that until I do my final draft. (Actually, never mind -- I snuck it in and I don't think that my teacher reviewed it yet.)

In other news, I want to read the Divine Comedy by Dante, but the only translation I found that I can download for free is utterly confusing and hard to read. I also read Plato's Republic recently for school, and that also suffered from the same issue. It's translated into modern English, yet somehow (my bet is the tone that it's written in), it's just hard to read and grasp like I would read and grasp a normal novel. Maybe the poetic nature also has something to do with it as both were written in stanzas and rhymes? I think that may be the problem with Dante but Plato definitely needed a tone adjustment as well.

Anyway, for understanding a lot of classic (and modern classic) novels, I discovered a cool YouTube channel a while ago called Overly Sarcastic Productions. It's run by these two people, and one covers a lot of novels and literary tropes, and the other talks about history! They're super helpful and super cool!

Anyways, I think that's enough rambling for now, so I'll talk to you later!

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