PurpleHello98

So I've been ultra busy the past few days and I have a half-finished Black Friday recap post to post here when I get the chance, but let me just take the time to say here how wonderful my boyfriend is. (I know you read this blog babe!) Over the past week, I got to spend so much time with him and my relationship keeps deepening. You guys, I'm seriously falling in love. And as we've been getting to know each other we've had serious things come up that we need to discuss. I can't decide if this man is what I deserved all along or if I don't deserve someone this good, but he's the most emotionally intelligent man I ever met. He's always willing to work things out with me and hear me out and everything and I still don't think I can really believe it. I'm not perfect and I definitely have my shortcomings as a girlfriend but he makes me want to, even need to be better. I really think I'm in this for the long haul, guys. So y'all better get used to hearing Grey's name (or rather, his nom de blog) quite a lot. :)

I've had three great days in a row! If you remember how I said this summer that I was going to make it my best summer ever (at least so far) (which I think I succeeded at, by the way), I think this is going to be my best Thanksgiving break yet as well! 2025 has been a really great year for me. It hasn’t been perfect, but I’ve had an amazing summer, and I got to visit Korea!! And I’ve solidified and deepened a lot of my friendships at college, and I got a boyfriend who’s amazing and wonderful, and I also got to go visit my best friend out west and it’s just generally really amazing!

Saturday, although I was sleepy, I had a nice time chilling most of the morning and afternoon, and my dad and I went out for lunch! We had a nice conversation and it was nice to actually bond with him for once--not a common occurrence. In the afternoon, I went to a thrift store and bought some books, and then hung out at the public library until it closed, where I managed to get my Windows XP laptop (which has been having serious charger issue, as if my MacBook not charging wasn't enough) to actually charge! Then in the evening, Grey and I went into town and had Korean for dinner! It was really great, although we over-ordered--we got kimbap and Korean fried chicken assuming that's all they would give you, but they also give every table fried rice and Korean pancakes. Yeah, we had a lot of leftovers. And that sweetheart insisted I take them all!

Then we drove around for a while, trying to find a nice place to park and just sit and stargaze and relax, but we kept getting lost. But that just made it more of a fun adventure! We eventually just settled on a school parking lot outside of town, and we chatted, and cuddled, and looked at each other's photo libraries and started watching the first episode of Gilmore Girls on my iPod! Partway through we went to a convenience store to use the bathroom, and we got some soda and Skittles. It was a really great evening--and definitely one to remember!

Then yesterday, I had another relaxing morning and I talked with Blue on the phone. I’ve been worrying about whether or not I was 100% “ready” or whatever to make it official with Grey—which, I think, grew out of my whole love triangle dilemma type thing from a few months ago—but talking to Blue convinced me that I had to take life by the balls (so to speak) and just make it official! So I did. :) and it just so happened to be on the four-month anniversary of him asking me out!

And then I went into town and hung out with Ink at the mall! I saw her at Legally Blonde since she was part of that production, but beside that I hadn’t seen her in probably a year! We went to the food court and had lunch and complained about our respective professors/classmates, and then we walked around a bunch of stores and bought some stuff. The mall was having this little fair-type thing for local vendors to come in and sell, stuff so we found some cool stuff. Ink found this massive knit (crocheted?) mushroom cat and I found A) a little Stardew Valley chicken for me and B) part of Grey and Green’s Christmas gifts! Besides that, I acted as Eggshell’s personal shopper and bought him some fuzzy Bluey pyjama pants. I also got some mascara (which I had a minor fumble disaster applying this morning).

After that, we went to Five Below. I got Marble’s Christmas gift, and some Hello Kitty instant ramen (which is realllly good) and got myself a little Bluetooth lip phone thing that connects to my flip phone! Whenever I get or make a call, I can pick it up and talk from it. It’s almost like having a home phone! Except that I can’t actually make calls from it, and it also doesn’t ring. :( But maybe there’s one like that out there!

This morning Grey and I had a really nice date. :) First, we went to this little café in town where I got a pain au chocolat and an Earl Grey tea (although I think I let it steep too long), and then we went to the public library for a cute little study date. I was working on trying to figure out my XP laptop’s antivirus situation—which I got distracted and hyperfocused on (-_-) —and on my English final paper! It’s not due for another two weeks, but I figured it’d be good to get a head start! Look at me, being such a dutiful student! And I got a page and a half out of the four-to-six-page requirement done. So I’ll have an easier week next week! Although I didn’t get to A) working on my linguistics lesson plan project or B) e-mailing my creative writing professor about his bogus feedback on my short story like I meant to. (Okay, maybe the conflict wasn’t fully developed, but “no discernible main character and no real conflict” is bull. Especially considering the main character’s NAME is in the TITLE and she is the ONLY person whose thoughts we actually follow.) But I can do that tonight and tomorrow!

Then, Grey and I went out to get ramen for lunch! It was very yummy. I also got some mango lemonade! It reminded me of our first date, where I had mango boba. :) Grey’s totally great, but I think my favourite thing about him is how open he makes me feel. I feel like I can really be myself freely around him—I don’t have to mask my neurodivergency at all, and (although it’s still hard) I can open up about stuff as well. He’s really amazing. :) If you’re reading this, mwah! :3

Then I came home and watched The Paper—which I really like so far! Although I’ve only watched two episodes. But I like it. Esmerelda is my favourite character! And then I ended up taking a nap. I’ve been staying up late lately (ha) although I’m determined to change that tonight. Speaking of stuff that needs to happen tonight, I need to go heat up my leftovers from the Korean place for dinner! Toodles, everyone! :)

Well, I accidentally hit the back button when I was almost through writing this entry, and the computer ate my entry. Bugger it all!

I've had quite a busy couple of days! Sunday the guy I've been seeing came up to visit. We watched Vine compilations on the TV all afternoon, slow danced a little and then went out to eat in the evening! It was amazing. :) Although I forgot how much fat steak has! It seems like a bit of a waste of money honestly.

Yesterday I was busy as hell from morning till night, and of course I had a bunch of laundry to do in the evening, which meant I was up until 1 AM. But I will be going to bed earlier tonight! I also popped over to the post office to mail Blue a letter, which was a nice errand! Although it's become really windy the past few days, and as someone with long-ish hair and bangs, it's less-than-ideal, although somehow through it all my hair has managed to look good!

Today's also been relatively busy. I wasn't able to get much done, but on Tuesdays and Thursdays I have a lot of classes and such, and so I didn't have a lot of free time when you consider that I also had to get my homework done. But at least I'll be able to relax some before bed! I also had a study session tonight with the TA for my linguistics class and we had some fun banter. It was really funny although I felt on occasion like it was too much, but she disagreed.

That's really it, I suppose. For such a jam-packed few days, you'd think I'd have more to talk about, but I guess you'd be wrong. Toodles!

So I don't know whether or not my attempt at being clever and having a play on words worked in the title but it's kind of true. I've been struggling with homework recently. By the grace of God, I've been able to spend tonight and last night watching YouTube and doing nothing, but it doesn't even feel like relaxing as much as it feels like crashing. Although part of that is because I've not been able to start until late. Tonight I was walking back from dinner with a friend and saw some people I know and this girl started talking my ear off. She's a good acquaintance and I like talking to her and all, but it was just not the right time, but I couldn't seem to get away. I can ramble too, but it was just annoying.

I can't wait for study abroad. I want to get away sometimes, you know? This weird love triangle that I've been in is stressing me the hell out. I feel this constant pressure to choose one of the two guys but I'm not ready to choose yet, but it feels like this impending doom and pressure. I don't know what the hell to do.

I'm so busy and every weekend being taken up by something or other is not helping! This weekend I'm going to my hometown and see Ink, my theatre friend from high school, be in a play production! I'm going with one of the guys. He's so sweet and I feel like i don't deserve him, which makes it worse that I'm not sure if I want to be with him or the other guy, or maybe neither. I don't know what I feel!!

I manage to have good times, of course, but really, I'm just so tired and busy! And I have a four-day weekend next weekend but I'm going to visit Blue. I'm really excited! Although I also want to take off a couple of days afterward to just rest. I wish it were a week-long break! But the weekend after that I'm going to spend at least one day not leaving the house. I am not going anywhere that weekend!! God help me to not be a pushover and to stick to that!

I got a new Mac mini (and by new I mean a 2009 model) that I put a photocard of Minchan from Verivery (in a photocard stand) on so now it's called Minchan! And it's running XP now. Which is what I'm blogging from right now!

Maybe I'll be better able to relax tomorrow if I don't watch YouTube and instead I just read or surf the Net or watch TV, etc. I find those activities are most relaxing after a long day or work. But it's been so long since I had a nice YouTube and crochet (or game) night! But I'm not even really motivated to game anymore, at least at the moment. And I always do maybe one row of crocheting and then my ADHD takes opposite effect and I concentrate on the video, and then I get distracted. Same with TV and crochet nights. Agh!!

So anyways I'm in this whole debacle right now. I can't wait for all of this to be over. Agh!

(Blogger's note: this entry was slightly tweaked a while after I first posted it.)

This week has been really good so far! I feel like my social meter for the day isn't quite full enough yet, but I'm hanging out with some friends tonight that I haven't seen in a while, so that should do the trick!

I feel like both a lot and rather little has happened this week. Yesterday and today it's been quite rainy, which is always a real treat for me! And so I got to stay in and read last night, and crochet some, and call a certain guy. :) I've really underrated the pleasure of reading! I should read some more tonight once I get home.

I haven't had too, too much homework this week---actually, I had little enough last night that I finished it all before dinner! I've gotten to crochet some as well, and my hat is coming along seemingly quite well. (It's my first time crocheting something that isn't rectangular---or at least supposed to be!) And I'm finally (mostly) settled into a routine!

Besides that, my Vyvanse is going quite well, and it's finally becoming fall! Actually, I noticed this afternoon that the first leaves had started to collect on the ground. Only a few leaves on the trees have changed colour yet, but fall is coming and I'm excited! I finally get to romanticize college more.

I've been really grateful to be at college this week. I know it sounds weird, but I kind of really love it here! I get to learn so much, live somewhere beautiful and make so many amazing friends! Life's been pretty great this week, and I'm hoping and thinking that tomorrow's going to be a great finale to my school week! I have some fun plans this weekend, but those can wait for another post. :D

And so in the meantime, I hope you're having a great fall (or maybe not fall) day! I know I'm having a great fall week. ^u^

Alright, first of all, as a side note, I wanna say that I got both my hormones and my ADHD meds today! :D I'm very excited. This school year is going to be a new chapter in my life! And this summer has been amazing. I've experienced so many things for the first time. I had my first flight, went abroad for the first time (and that was to freaking KOREA!!!), and so on. Also, I finally got my driver's license on Wednesday! So that's an even more exciting week.

But the big thing is that this week, I went on my first date! (I mean, I've talked to guys before, and I'm talking to another guy at the same time right now, but that guy lives far away, so this is my first real, official date!) I'm pretty sure I mentioned him a few weeks ago--this guy (who's pretty cute if I do say so myself (which I do)) came through my register one night when I was at work and asked if I wanted to get coffee! It was really cute--and a big ego boost to boot--and, as it turns out, he had come through my register before and developed a little crush on me. :) So every time he had to buy groceries, he checked to see if I was there--but no dice until the night he asked me out! He said he was insanely nervous, but he took the bull by the horns and asked me out! It's really adorable, like something you'd see in a movie or a TV show! It feels like the story of how your grandparents met or something. (Which is fitting, really, because he has a divorced dad aesthetic.)

And so we went out for boba the other day and had a nice chat, and then we saw The Naked Gun! (A very funny movie, by the way.) It was great. We held hands for about half the movie, and kept shooting each other these goofy grins. We hugged afterwards, and we're going to see each other again next week and go watch Freakier Friday! (By the way, the trailer makes it look like the girls are going to break up Lindsay Lohan and Manny Jacinto in favour of her dating Chad Michael Murray. I hope that doesn't happen, because Manny Jacinto is a lot more attractive!)

Anyways, this guy and I get along really well so far. Let's see how things go! Although the whole talking-to-multiple-guys-at-once thing is... a lot? I feel wrong somehow, even though I'm not exclusive with either of them. And I don't want to choose between them until I can hopefully visit the long-distance guy soon and go on a date or two with him... so that's preventing me from being as happy, since the whole situation really seems very precarious. But I suppose I should just take it one day at a time? Do y'all have any advice for me in that area? I would REALLY REALLY appreciate some!

Besides that, my coworker friend and I watched some more of The Osbournes today, as well as some Chris Hansen. (The Osbournes don't act like people... are they seriously real?!?) She made some delicious caramel cookies and I tried French onion dip for the first time as well! Not together, of course.

So yeah, it's been a very eventful week. :)

My fellow Dreamwidther lovelyangel put it well, saying that she feels besieged. I never realized what my current feeling was! But no, my room has been suffering, for one. I'm working extra hours this week, mostly four-hour shifts, five days straight, because apparently I'm the only evening cashier that didn't ask for this coming weekend off. Which is unfortunate, because my supervisor told me about that just as I was about to ask for that weekend off. I had four days in a row off last weekend--Saturday through Tuesday--but I only had one day--Monday--where I didn't have stuff to do all day, and even then I somehow ended up going out to run errands with my mum.

Saturday I did a defensive driving class in a town nearby. The local police department/highway whatever was running the show and we were using their track, but it was on some sort of military base, so we had to go through security and all! It was really freaky. But now I can say I've been on a military base! Basically, it was teaching us panic braking, how to react if we spin out on ice, etc. Fun but tiring, especially given the fact that it's stupidly hot. If anyone reading this lives up north where it's not that hot--APPRECIATE IT!

Sunday, Blue and I hung out and honestly I can't remember what else happened! I want to say we watched a movie but I can't remember which one.

Monday, I did errands and worked some on thinning out the clothes in my closet, since I have way too many.

Tuesday, after the library, my mum and I had a quick lunch at home and then Blue came over! We watched The Beautician and the Beast--a really good movie! And then we played Wii Music and swiped on my dating apps together--but the dating thing is a story for another time.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to get on HRT and on ADHD meds as soon as I can, I have to work a lot, I have to figure out when to hang out with my friends (which is like putting a damn jigsaw puzzle together with all our schedules), and I have to get my room in good shape, thin out my closet, and start packing and buying textbooks for school. AGH! I need a few days to crash out, honestly. I thought summer was supposed to be relaxing! But I can never get in bed until near midnight and so I'm tired all the time. I think I might have to work less next summer... Oh, and I'm also trying to coordinate my study abroad, which I really want to do, but I haven't done my application yet because of time! Maybe I work on that this afternoon--if I have time. Or maybe I just veg out and/or nap. God knows I need it.

Okay, just a bit of dating--some guy came through my till last night to ask me out! He just asked if I wanted to go out for coffee--I guess he found my cute and asked me out on a whim. I've never actually been asked out before! Well, I'm talking to this guy on-line and we've agreed that when I'm in his city we're going to go on a date. Which brings me to my next thing--I'm talking to too many guys--it's overwhelming! But I think I have a better crop than last time this happened, at least. Still, even if most of them are nice, I just... don't find most of them all that attractive? Maybe I'll have better luck when I'm abroad and hopefully in a big city. This small-town lack of options is not cutting it for someone whose dating pool is already small to begin with since I'm trans.

So yes, I'm quite besieged. God grant me a better week next week--and a heck of a lot more rest!

Well, I honestly can't even remember last week because it seems really distant. This week's been a bit of a mess, to be honest. It feels kind of weird being this open about my personal life on here, but it just feels right, I guess. I had kind of danced around it in some earlier posts, because I didn't want to be premature, and I guess for good reason. I've been talking to this guy for several weeks now that I met on my trip to Korea. Or a bit after it, to be exact. I had to take my iPhone to Korea because my flip phone didn't work, and remembered whilst we were there that I had downloaded Hinge because I was bored back in fall.

Well, I opened it up again and set my location to Korea to see what it was like abroad, and this guy ended up liking me after I got back and forgot to set my location back to America. He was super understanding about me being trans, and even more so when I opened up about how I can come on a little strong in relationships but can also be scared of getting close to people emotionally. He was really cool and I really liked him, and he really liked me too. Not to over-idealize, but he really ticked just about every box. He was handsome, knew some of my K-pop (and was okay with my K-pop mania), he was intelligent and kind and funny, he even helped out at his church, for Heaven's sake! (Pun intended.) We'd text a lot and video call when we could, and it was great. He was the first guy I opened up to in a long time, and he kept telling me "as long as you feel safe and comfortable". And I did.

Well, a few days ago, I decided I had had enough of dancing around it all--because there was, or at least I felt like there was, a lot of hinting, and I told him "I really like you" outright. He said he really liked me too, and then I asked him where we were going to go from there. I worried that it might be too soon to be "official" or "exclusive" or whatever but I asked him what we were and if he wanted to be more. He said that we were "gang gang" and "tight", and when I asked for a real answer, he blocked me. Just like that.

I have a history of taking things too quickly with relationships in the past, but I really thought I was being better than that this time. I've been starting to work through my attachment issues or whatever, and I felt like I had a chance at a real, healthy relationship with him. Was I coming on too strongly? Maybe I was, maybe I was still rushing in too quickly. But at the same time, it feels so weird that this guy, who had been all understanding and emotionally intelligent, suddenly cut me off. It felt... wrong, like I had the rug pulled out from under me. My friends tell me that if he's willing to just block me all of a sudden instead of having an actual conversation, that he's not worth it. I agree, but part of me feels like... maybe if we had been calling or in the same room instead of texting, he would have had to give me an answer. I don't know how to feel.

It really took a lot out of me, and I spent two days doing absolutely nothing. He and I only knew each other a month, but I still grew to care about him, to really like him, in a more serious, real way than my fourteen-year-old self's attempts at dating. There's still a little part of me that hopes it was all some great misunderstanding, even though I know that's not true. And now a lot of things remind me of him--only a month and we already managed to have our little in-jokes. Spicy food, for one. And now I can't think of anime or the gym without thinking of him.

And honestly, I feel like he had been trying to distance himself from me earlier. He used the whole "I'm busy with work so we can't call" thing, but we still texted a lot. I'm not sure. I just really hope I didn't do anything--but I really need to stop blaming myself. I don't think it's healthy.

I really regret that it ended like that. I'm mad at him, but I can't stay mad. Even though he hurt me a lot more tangibly than, say, my annoying roommates last year, I can't stay mad for some reason. And so if you're reading this, Josh, I hope you're happy and I hope you can learn and be better to girls in the future--be willing to have the hard conversations you need to have. And I hope and pray I can find someone better soon, who'll be truly happy to be with me and with whom I'll be truly happy.